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In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

Across the globe, many individuals own guns for self-defence and recreational purposes. Gun related mortalities in households – in particular – throw the ethics of such forms of private gun ownership into sharp relief. In this essay, I shall appeal to crime statistics to argue that a person is at a far greater risk being shot if there is a gun in a household. Firstly, it is intuitively obvious that having a gun in a household endangers children and teenagers. This is because minors do not have the requisite knowledge or maturity to handle guns safely. For example, the US Department of Justice recently revealed statistics showing that 150 American children and teenagers die each year because of accidents relating to household guns. Therefore it is incontrovertible that household guns lead to additional shootings. Secondly, household guns became especially dangerous when spouses have violent arguments. This is because male sexual rage, in particular, often results in deadly aggression. For example, The International Crime Bureau recently produced statistical evidence that – if there is a household gun – a man is twice as likely (if he discovers his wife having an affair) to kill her in a fit of jealous rage. Therefore, once again, household guns correlate positively with additional shootings. In conclusion, there is undeniable evidence that having a gun in a house leads to further shootings. Given the strength of this evidence, in the future, more legislature needs to be put in place to limit private gun ownership.
Across the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
for
Possible spelling mistake. ‘self-defence’ is British English.
self-defence
and recreational purposes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gun
related
Possible spelling mistake found.
mortalities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
in particular
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
throw the ethics of such forms of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership into sharp relief. In this essay, I shall appeal to crime statistics to argue that a person is at a far greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
being shot
if there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a household.

Firstly
, it is
intuitively
obvious that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
endangers children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
minors do not have the requisite knowledge or maturity to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
safely
.
For example
, the US Department of Justice recently revealed statistics showing that 150 American children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of accidents relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is incontrovertible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
lead to additional shootings.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
became
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
when spouses have violent arguments. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
male sexual rage,
in particular
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in deadly aggression.
For example
, The International Crime Bureau recently produced statistical evidence that
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
if there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is twice as likely (if he discovers his wife having an affair) to kill her in a fit of jealous rage.
Therefore
, once again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
correlate
positively
with additional shootings.

In conclusion
, there is undeniable evidence that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
leads to
further
shootings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the strength of this evidence, in the future, more legislature needs to
be put
in place to limit private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership.
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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