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In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and example to support your answer. v.1

In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. Give specific reasons and example to support your answer. v. 1
In recent times, occupying guns at home has sparked great debates about whether doing this causes an increase in shooting rate or not. I do believe that having guns is a key factor that makes shooting rate rose since people with guns are likely to solve their problem with them. Moreover, other people might use them during an intensive argument or by an accident. To begin with, although several people who owning guns first say that those weapons would be used for self-protection only and perhaps would not be used, they often feel that it can deal with their problems. A strong reason for this is that using guns is an easy and fast short-term solution, so they slightly think that shooting is their optimal solution. For example, a recent study concluded that over 80% of criminal tough that after buying guns they would shoot only for self-defense and protecting the ones they love. Consequentially, people with guns are surly going to shoot somebody no matter what they think. Secondly, even if gun owners are not holding their weapons, other people such as their family member, children, and friends could grab those weapons and could shoot at them with their anger from an argument or could unintentional shoot them. For example, another research found that about 30% of the number of shooting occurred during an argument and the guns were not shot by owners; in addition, 10% of that are accidentally happened. Therefore, shooting performed by other people also play an important role in rising numbers of people injured or dead by guns. In conclusion, I completely agree that the number of shootings dramatically increasing is caused by increasing in gun ownership. The reasons for this is that the owner are going to use their guns to solve their problems and other people could accidentally or intentionally use their guns.
In recent times, occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home has sparked great debates about whether doing this causes an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
rate or not. I do believe that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
is a key factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
rate rose since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are likely to solve their problem with them.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them during an intensive argument or by an accident.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
first
say that those weapons would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for self-protection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and perhaps would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel that it can deal with their problems. A strong reason for this is that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
is an easy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
short-term solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
is their optimal solution.
For example
, a recent study concluded that over 80% of criminal tough that after buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for self-defense and protecting the ones they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
Consequentially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are surly going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoot
somebody no matter what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

Secondly
, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
owners are not holding their weapons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as their family member, children, and friends could grab those weapons and could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoot
at them with their anger from an argument or could
The word "unintentional" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "unintentionally"?
unintentional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoot
them.
For example
, another research found that about 30% of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
occurred during an argument and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
were not shot by owners;
in addition
, 10% of that are
accidentally
happened.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shooting
performed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in rising numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
injured or dead by guns.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shootings
dramatically
increasing
is caused
by increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership. The reasons for this is that the owner are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
to solve their problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
accidentally
or
intentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. Give specific reasons and example to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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