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In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this situation? v.4

In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 4
The country has the different value in people’s mind due to their artistic collection & encouraging the laurels and fancy work of artists such as Paris, London, and many more. But it is true that, in some countries, people who visit the art galleries their rate is gradually descending. Many factors affecting them. Thus, I shall discuss why individuals do not visit the museum, in further paragraphs. To begin with, declining number of visitors in museums and art galleries caused by reducing interest in people state of mind. Any museums or paintings galleries have not enough fun to rouse the curiosity of folks. Many characteristics of galleries are not attracting individuals towards them. Firstly, entry tickets is very expensive, most of the people do not spend too much money and for others it’s not affordable. Museums has less range of ticket for foreigners, this approach may create discrimination. Secondly, art galleries should be attractive enough to fascinate the bunch of people to visit. But, galleries have old walls and functions and these may not suitable and unattractive for folks. In addition, to overcome these conditions, a gallery must look ravishing to fascinate the individuals. For instance, Event organizers have to manage some art festivals to draw attention towards the museum. To resolve the issues, they should invite notorious foreign artists or painters to show their work of art. Also, include regional artists to display their artwork and chance to gain revenue and organizers should create the movement of adopting indigenous. It can encourage the provincial people to form innovative artwork for forthcoming art festivals. Hence, the inception of refurbished galleries could induce folks. Finally, the government should tackle the situation with enforcing the newest ways to indulge folks to art galleries and make a significant value of the artwork and museums.
The country has the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
value in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind due to their artistic collection & encouraging the laurels and fancy work of artists such as Paris, London, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is true that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
their rate is
gradually
descending.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
factors affecting them.
Thus
, I shall discuss why individuals do not visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, in
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, declining number of visitors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
caused by reducing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state of mind. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or paintings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fun to rouse the curiosity of folks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are not attracting individuals towards them.
Firstly
, entry tickets is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend too much money and for others it’s not affordable.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "museum has".
Museums has
less
Possible agreement error. The noun 'ticket' seems to be countable; consider using: "range of tickets".
range of ticket
for foreigners, this approach may create discrimination.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should be attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fascinate the bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
walls and functions and these
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may not suitable
and unattractive for folks.

In addition
, to overcome these conditions, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
look ravishing to fascinate the individuals.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Event
organizers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
festivals to draw attention towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. To resolve the issues, they should invite notorious foreign artists or painters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Also
, include regional artists to display their artwork and chance to gain revenue and organizers should create the movement of adopting indigenous. It can encourage the provincial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form innovative artwork for forthcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
festivals.
Hence
, the inception of refurbished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
could induce folks.

Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should tackle the situation with enforcing the newest ways to indulge folks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant value of the artwork and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In some countries, the number of people who visit art galleries is declining. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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