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In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
In some parts of the world, the trend towards people having babies at an older age is increasingly prevalent, which accordingly contributes to the age gap between parents and children. In my opinion, while it is beneficial for a better life among children, the drawback, including the reduced connection between parents and children, is more significant. In terms of better lives among children, the age gap between parents and children has a positive impact on that because parents are more well-prepared for a decent financial condition. After years of hard work, parents could earn more money and invest in different necessities such as toys, milk, and clothes, all of which lays the foundation for the early growth of children. In contrast, if parents have babies at an early age, they may not provide sufficient necessary items for their children due to the shortage of money. Apart from the benefit expressed above, I believe that the age gap between the two generations would pose a problem to the shared interaction because they have different views on many issues. These issues including study, work, and lifestyle would lead to conflicts if family members could not reach an agreement. For example, children would evaluate their future career based on personal preferences, while parents tend to give priority to realistic factors such as financial and job stability. However, when this gap is not remarkable, they would have some sympathy with each other. In conclusion, people nowadays tend to give birth at an older age compared to their counterparts did in perhaps 30 years ago. Although the main benefit of this trend is to ensure that their children would experience a higher standard of living, the reduced interaction between parents and children, however, could be even more damaging.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world, the trend towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having babies at an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
increasingly
prevalent, which
accordingly
contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, while it is beneficial for a better life among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the drawback, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, is more significant.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
terms of better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more well-prepared for a decent financial condition. After years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could earn more money and invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
necessities such as toys, milk, and clothes, all of which lays the foundation for the early growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have babies at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they may not provide sufficient necessary items for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the shortage of money.

Apart from the benefit expressed above, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the two generations would pose a problem to the shared interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues. These issues including study, work, and lifestyle would lead to conflicts if family members could not reach an agreement.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would evaluate their future career based on personal preferences, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to give priority to realistic factors such as financial and job stability.
However
, when this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is not remarkable, they would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sympathy with each other.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays tend to give birth at an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
compared to their counterparts did in perhaps 30 years ago. Although the main benefit of this trend is to ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would experience a higher standard of living, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, could be even more damaging.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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