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In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In this contemporary era, there is no perfect time for marriage. Parents are either under-age or over-age, so there are marked variations between the age of children and the parents as compared to the past. Although it is advantageous in terms of experience of the caretaker, the drawback presents as ill-health side effects due to old age. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend are equal to disadvantages. Owing to an increased competition in this modern era, everyone is focused to achieve their goals. This attitude leads to the lack of time for themselves. As an illustration, a recent survey suggests that around 89% of the youngsters tend to choose career over family. Therefore, they marry after settling in their own business or after obtaining a high paying job. In order to progress professionally, they waste the golden age of their healthy lives in which they can give quality time to their children. Due to health issue at an old age, they are bound to their bed and can not cherish the unforgettable moments with their children. Hence, the negative impact of health related issues of the mother and father of the children is undeniable. Because parents have spent their life in accomplishing their goals, they do possess valuable experience which is beneficial for children. To illustrate, my uncle is a doctor, his experiences helped his children to choose a field which will have more value in the future. Therefore, there are no doubts that teachings of parents through their experiences help in every aspect of life. To conclude, in recent days, there is no specific time to marry. The differences in ages between children and parents are at a high rate in this modern age. The experiences of the guardians are helpful, but the health problems related to old age of parents are the limiting factor. In my view, the merits and demerits of such development are equal.
In this contemporary era, there is no perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for marriage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are either under-age or over-age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there
are marked
variations between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as compared to the past. Although it is advantageous in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of the caretaker, the drawback presents as ill-health side effects due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend are equal to disadvantages.

Owing to an increased competition in this modern era, everyone
is focused
to achieve their goals. This attitude leads to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves. As an illustration, a recent survey suggests that around 89% of the youngsters tend to choose career over family.
Therefore
, they marry after settling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business or after obtaining a high paying job. In order to progress
professionally
, they waste the golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of their healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in which they can give quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to health issue at an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
are bound
to their bed and can not cherish the unforgettable moments with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of health related issues of the mother and father of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is undeniable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have spent their life in accomplishing their goals, they do possess valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
which is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To illustrate, my uncle is a doctor, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose a field which will have more value in the future.
Therefore
, there are no doubts that teachings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in every aspect of life.

To conclude
, in recent days, there is no specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to marry. The differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are at a high rate in this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of the guardians are helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the health problems related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the limiting factor. In my view, the merits and demerits of such development are equal.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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