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In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
People have different views about how well older people educate children to become valuable citizens. While some argue that it would be better for children to be disciplined by their parents, I believe that children should be educated how to become respectable citizens at institute. There are various reasons why people believe that parents should teach their children to build up good manners. Firstly, children are prone to listen to their parents who are powerful in families. For example, children might worry about wrong actions, which leads to their making a decision as to whether they should commit such behaviour pattern if they have ever been punished by their parents before. Secondly, children have a close relationship with their parents whom they always count on whenever they meet toughs in their life. Children, therefore, may pour their concern easily into a parent’s heart so parents are able to give advice timely, which is one of the most important factors to deter children from becoming perverse. Finally, not only do parents bring theirs children rights verbally, but also their life behaviours can have profound influences on their children because children tend to imitate the actions of older people. In spite of these arguments, I hold the perception that/I am inclined to argue that schooling would play an essential role in the formation of children’s characters. Except for homes, institute is the place children spend the biggest amount of time. Thus, teachers are likely to be second parents to instruct children in being aware of the rights and the wrongs in every walk of life. Admittedly, teachers can be stricter with children than parents given that parents usually spoil their children excessively. Under this circumstance, educating in institute is the best solution to build a good personality of children. Moreover, institute environment will enable children to either find out their abilities or their desires by attending some recreational physical activities or studying specific subjects; this will be beneficial to children in becoming well-rounded individuals in the future. In conclusion, apart from being primarily responsible for educating children from parents, schools also prevent children from the misguided frame of mind to be productive people in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about how well older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become valuable citizens. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be disciplined
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
how to become respectable citizens at institute.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to build up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are prone to listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are powerful in families.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might worry about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions, which leads to their making a decision
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
they should commit such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
pattern if they have ever
been punished
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a close relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
whom they always count on whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
toughs in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
,
therefore
, may pour their concern
easily
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
heart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to give advice timely, which is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from becoming perverse.
Finally
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bring theirs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rights
verbally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their life
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
can have profound influences on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate the actions of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these arguments, I hold the perception that/I
am inclined
to argue that schooling would play an essential role in the formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
characters.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
homes, institute is the place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend the biggest amount of time.
Thus
, teachers are likely to be second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to instruct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in being aware of the rights and the wrongs in every walk of life.
Admittedly
, teachers can be stricter with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
excessively
. Under this circumstance, educating in institute is the best solution to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, institute environment will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to either find out their abilities or their desires by attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational physical activities or studying specific subjects; this will be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in becoming well-rounded individuals in the future.

In conclusion
, apart from being
primarily
responsible for educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, schools
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the misguided frame of mind to be productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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