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In some countries the criminal trials are shown on TV and the general public can watch them Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage v.1

In some countries the criminal trials are shown on TV and the general public can watch them Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage v. 1
It is irrefutable that as countries around the world continue to modernize and develop, the demand for fossil fuel such gas, oil and coal in industry, transportation and a corresponding need grow rapidly. Hence, the quests for finding and extracting new source in remote and untouched areas such as North Pole has intensified. However, opinions as to whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages vary considerably. Conservationists truly believe that the aforementioned attempts meet the needs have devastating impacts on Earth's ecosystem in a way that puts the future of the planet at risk. Proponents of new excavation of fossil fuel mention that the rapid growth of population that triggers the needs for fuels on the one hand, and industries' demand on the other hand, increased the consumption globally. Thereby, because the fossil fuels are the main source of energy in the world, finding new sources in remote areas is indispensable. Meanwhile, they believe that governments, in order to maintain political and social security need to put more efforts to discover and supply new resources to meet a dire need of fuels. For instance, in the world of politics, oil, as a Black gold, can change political equations in favour of supplier countries. In contrast, conservationists believe that finding new sources in pristine areas and an improper increase in fuel consumption poses environmental hazards. Pollution is a chronic and obvious example that negatively affects all kinds of species. For instance, soil erosion and water contamination, which occur due to new excavation, extraction and other related activities, have a devastating impact that needs to be dealt with. Meanwhile, consumption of such fuels increases greenhouse gases and carbon dioxide emissions that lead to climate change, which is arguably the greatest environmental challenge facing the planet. Opponents state that it is worthwhile to invest more in alternative energy source that is more eco-friendly and renewable like solar energy, wind power, plant oil. They believe that using and developing advanced technology such as hybrid cars and biofuels will reduce the contamination and help to keep biodiversity immune. To conclude, it seems that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Although there are unprecedented needs for fossil fuels, and maintaining political and social security is a crucial issue, it would be better to have a long-term insight, and invest in alternative energy source in order to keep our planet safe and a better place to live.
It is irrefutable that as countries around the world continue to modernize and develop, the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
such gas, oil and coal in industry, transportation and a corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
grow
rapidly
.
Hence
, the quests for finding and extracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in remote and untouched areas such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the North Pole".
as North Pole
has intensified.
However
, opinions
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the advantages outweigh the disadvantages vary
considerably
. Conservationists
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the aforementioned attempts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
have devastating impacts on Earth's ecosystem in a way that puts the future of the planet at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
excavation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
mention that the rapid growth of population that triggers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
on the one hand, and industries' demand
on the other hand
, increased the consumption globally. Thereby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in the world, finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in remote areas is indispensable. Meanwhile, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, in order to maintain political and social security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to put more efforts to discover and supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a dire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
.
For instance
, in the world of politics, oil, as a Black gold, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
political equations in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of supplier countries.

In contrast
, conservationists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in pristine areas and an improper increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption poses environmental hazards. Pollution is a chronic and obvious example that
negatively
affects all kinds of species.
For instance
, soil erosion and water contamination, which occur due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
excavation, extraction and other related activities, have a devastating impact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be dealt
with. Meanwhile, consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
increases greenhouse gases and carbon dioxide emissions that lead to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, which is
arguably
the greatest environmental challenge facing the planet. Opponents state that it is worthwhile to invest more in alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
that is
more eco-friendly and renewable like solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, wind power, plant oil. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that using and developing advanced technology such as hybrid cars and biofuels will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the contamination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
biodiversity immune.

To conclude
, it seems that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Although there
are unprecedented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
, and maintaining political and social security is a crucial issue, it would be better to have a long-term insight, and invest in alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our planet safe and a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In some countries the criminal trials are shown on TV and the general public can watch them Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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