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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.16

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 16
Healthcare is a highly-concerning issue in recent years. However, a substantial increasing trend in people‘s mean weight with a drop in their health and fitness levels are observed. Relatively high prices of healthy food and long working hours may be reasons for that. In this essay, I tend to discuss these factors and their solutions. Firstly, there is an inverse relation between price and the quality of food. For example, in most supermarkets, a pack of chips is often found to be much cheaper than broccoli. This difference in price may lower people‘s desires of purchasing healthier food, which results in many people buying junk food instead of vegetables and fruits. One possible solution for this can be imposing heavier taxes on junk food by the government, as taxes can reduce both the desires of purchasing by consumers and the quantity produced by the producers. Secondly, longer working hours make exercising difficult. For example, nowadays, 7: 00 is the average homecoming time for most adults and is often not enough time to exercise after work. This results in a bad habit which may cause obesity and other chronic diseases in the long term. A solution for this can be organising exercise time for employees. This can cause them to have a habit of exercising every day, either to stay healthy or keep in shape. In a nutshell, imposing heavier taxes on junk food by the government can help solve the problems where junk food is often much cheaper than healthier food. Another reason can be working long hours, which causes employees to have less exercise time. Thereby, companies can organise an exercising time for them where they can exercise all together, allowing them to stay healthy.
Healthcare is a
highly
-concerning issue in recent years.
However
, a substantial increasing trend in
people
‘s mean weight with a drop in their health and fitness levels
are observed
.
Relatively
high prices of healthy
food
and long working hours may be reasons for that. In this essay, I tend to discuss these factors and their solutions.

Firstly
, there is an inverse relation between price and the quality of
food
.
For example
, in most supermarkets, a pack of chips is
often
found to be much cheaper than broccoli. This difference in price may lower
people
‘s desires of purchasing healthier
food
, which results in
many
people
buying
junk
food
instead
of vegetables and fruits. One possible solution for this can be imposing heavier taxes on
junk
food
by the
government
, as taxes can
reduce
both the desires of purchasing by consumers and the quantity produced by the producers.

Secondly
, longer working hours
make
exercising difficult.
For example
, nowadays, 7: 00 is the average homecoming
time
for most adults and is
often
not
enough
time
to
exercise
after work. This results in a
bad
habit which may cause obesity and other chronic diseases in the long term. A solution for this can be
organising
exercise
time
for employees. This can cause them to have a habit of exercising every day, either to stay healthy or
keep
in shape.

In a nutshell, imposing heavier taxes on
junk
food
by the
government
can
help
solve the problems where
junk
food
is
often
much cheaper than healthier
food
. Another reason can be working long hours, which causes employees to have less
exercise
time
. Thereby,
companies
can
organise
an exercising
time
for them where they can
exercise
all together, allowing them to stay healthy.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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