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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v.7

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 7
In few parts of the world, individuals are accumulating more and more weight while their wellness and health are diminishing. This essay will firstly discuss, some of the reasons for this problem and then advice some measures that will help resolve this issue. For multiple reasons, the average body mass of individuals is growing rapidly. Firstly, a primary reason for this adverse effect is junk food. With more and more food chains and food applications, which are launched in the market for past few years, people are tempted towards consuming this kind of food because they are delicious. Although these meals taste great, they are hazardous to health as they contain lots of harmful ingredients such as fat, sugar, etc. , and consuming these products at regular intervals will undoubtedly cause health problems such as obesity. Another major factor contributing to this problem is work pressure. Because of the competition at job, people are working for longer durations due to which their sleeping patterns are changed and thereby rest and peace are hindered. Hence work pressure and sedentary food habits are the major factors that are contributing to ill health. However, there are several measures that people can take to avoid overweight and other problems related to health. One can have a controlled diet and replace junk food with nutritious food, such as fruits and raw vegetables, as they help alleviating fitness. Exercise is another solution for physical and mental wellbeing hence should be adopted as a part of a daily regime. Hence, healthy food habits and physical activity are keys to control majority of health problems. In conclusion, in order to conquer your body and mind, and overcome problems like obesity, diabetes and cardiac arrest balanced diet and workout are essential components of a daily regime.
In few parts of the world, individuals are accumulating more and more weight while their wellness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are diminishing. This essay will
firstly
discuss,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and then advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
resolve this issue.

For multiple reasons, the average body mass of individuals is growing
rapidly
.
Firstly
, a primary reason for this adverse effect is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. With more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
applications, which
are launched
in the market for past few years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are tempted
towards consuming this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are delicious. Although these meals taste great, they are hazardous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as they contain lots of harmful ingredients such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sugar, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
and consuming these products at regular intervals will
undoubtedly
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as obesity.

Another major factor contributing to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is work pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the competition at job,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working for longer durations due to which their sleeping patterns are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and thereby rest and peace
are hindered
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
work pressure and sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits are the major factors that are contributing to ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, there are several measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can take to avoid overweight and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. One can have a controlled diet and replace junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as fruits and raw vegetables, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to alleviate" or "alleviate".
alleviating
fitness. Exercise is another solution for physical and mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
hence
should
be adopted
as a part of a daily regime.
Hence
, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and physical activity are keys to control
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

In conclusion
, in order to conquer your body and mind, and overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like obesity, diabetes and cardiac arrest balanced diet and workout are essential components of a daily regime.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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