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Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v.24

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v. 24
History has proved that people from each country had always been looking for some ways to response to their patriotic emotions. So Over different eras, various ways have been taken to show these feelings. But these days, international sporting matches are considered as the best occasions for mentioned purpose besides their deep effects on improving international tensions. Obviously, no one can ignore that has no emotion about his country and traditions. Perhaps there is something in human nature which has encouraged him to show the interest of his culture to other nations. This tendency was one of the main reasons for many wars in the past when two nations fought each other to show their abilities and powers. But over the last several decades, sporting matches has replaced those wars and people consider their nation sports team’s members as their country soldiers. In other words, people protect and encourage their national sports teams to win the match and in this way, they respond to their patriotic emotions. However some international sporting festivals such as football world cup have become very popular occasions to satisfy mentioned instinct, they have had undeniable effects on international tensions. For example, during a football match between two nations, people from other countries obtain suitable information about those cultures, traditional and religious. Hence, it helps governments to have a proper background from each other. So it directly affects international relations and in most of the cases makes a potential for countries to be more closed. I think, therefore, people not only do pursue international sporting matches just as an entertainment, but they are interested in them because of other aspects of a sports match which relates to patriotic emotion and politics.
History has proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
had always been looking for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to response to their patriotic emotions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
eras, various ways have
been taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
these feelings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
are considered
as the best occasions for mentioned purpose
besides
their deep effects on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tensions.

Obviously
, no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that has no emotion about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and traditions. Perhaps there is something in human nature which has encouraged him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the interest of his culture to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. This tendency was one of the main reasons for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wars in the past when two
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nations
fought each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their abilities and powers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
over the last several decades, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
has replaced those wars and
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people
consider their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
sports team’s members as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
soldiers. In
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other
words,
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people
protect and encourage their national sports teams to win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
and in this way, they respond to their patriotic emotions.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting festivals such as football world cup have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular occasions to satisfy mentioned instinct, they have had undeniable effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tensions.
For example
, during a football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
obtain suitable information about those cultures, traditional and religious.
Hence
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to have a proper background from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
directly
affects
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international
relations and in most of the cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a potential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to be more closed.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
,
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people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as an entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are interested
in them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of a sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
which relates to patriotic emotion and politics.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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