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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v.3

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 3
[]). push({}); On one hand, a working student has many benefits. First of all, such a student learns how to arrange his time to be able to combine his study time and working schedule. Personally, I think that it is a very important benefit a student can get from this. Second of all, a student learns how to save money and manage his budget. A person gains new experience and knowledge working with the new people. He feels more independent and spends his or her money wisely. On the other hand, a student who works might not have enough time to meet his or her course requirements. Sometimes it may result in a failure on an exam and that would be a waste of money and time. From my everyday experience and observation, some people require more time to study new materials and prepare for an exam. Others, on the contrary, can easily understand new materials and they need less time. So, my point is that a person should decide for himself whether he will be able to combine his study and his work or not. Another important aspect of getting a job is that a student most likely will have no time for parties, movies and his friends. I think that he or she should understand this fact. To conclude, I believe that a working experience will give a student more benefits in the future than it takes from him or her in the present. (adsbygoogle=window. adsbygoogle||[]
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)
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
push
({}); On one hand, a
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns how to arrange his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be able to combine his study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from this. Second of all, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns how to save money and manage his budget. A person gains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience and knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. He feels more independent and spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
money
wisely
.

On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who works might not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
course requirements.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it may result in a failure on an exam and that would be a waste of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. From my everyday experience and observation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
materials and prepare for an exam. Others,
on the contrary
, can
easily
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
materials and
they need less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, my point is that a person should decide for himself whether he will be able to combine his study and his work or not. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of getting a job is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
most likely will have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for parties, movies and his friends. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he or she should understand this fact.

To conclude
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience will give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
more benefits in the future than it takes from him or her in the present.

Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
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=window.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
adsbygoogle
||[]
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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