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In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is true that in some countries, rather than students, governments shoulder the responsibility of paying tuition fees to colleges or universities. This essay will compare the strengths and weakness of this phenomenon, and argue that it is more beneficial. There is no doubt that governments affording education fees could benefit both individuals and nations. First of all, such action is beneficial to individual development. This is because without the need to worry about the tuition, students are able to put more focus on their study, which will help them develop to the capable and active person in the future. Moreover, social stability and social cohesion will be effectively enhanced as those poor students can acquire same education opportunities as the rich, thereby narrowing the gap between two social classes and creating a harmonious society. Furthermore, through allocating public funds to the education sector, a country’s national quality will be tremendously improved. For example, it is the educational expenses paid by the united government that create a such high-qualified and intelligence population in America. Nevertheless, the negative impact of bearing the tuitions by local authorities also cannot be underestimated. To begin with, it will impose a threat to economic growth. Because there are no enough public funds to be allocated to the areas that directly stimulate the economy like manufacture sector, the speed of economic development will be slowed down and impaired. Additionally, compared with affording the cost by themselves, students who are waived from this duty may not cherish the study opportunities, which lead to the waste of educational resources. In conclusion, although some disadvantages are associated with the action that governments paying the high education fees, I am in support of the idea that, it brings more advantages to both individuals and the whole nation.
It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
shoulder the responsibility of paying tuition fees to colleges or universities. This essay will compare the strengths and weakness of this phenomenon, and argue that it is more beneficial.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
affording
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fees could benefit both individuals and nations.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, such action is beneficial to individual development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without the need to worry about the tuition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to put more focus on their study, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop to the capable and active person in the future.
Moreover
, social stability and social cohesion will be
effectively
enhanced as those poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can acquire same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
opportunities as the rich, thereby narrowing the gap between two social classes and creating a harmonious society.
Furthermore
, through allocating public funds to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector, a country’s national quality will be
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
For example
, it is the educational expenses paid by the united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that create a such high-qualified and intelligence population in America.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of bearing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
by local authorities
also
cannot
be underestimated
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it will impose a threat to economic growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
public funds to
be allocated
to the areas that
directly
stimulate the economy like manufacture sector, the speed of economic development will
be slowed
down and impaired.
Additionally
, compared with affording the cost by themselves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are waived
from this duty may not cherish the study opportunities, which lead to the waste of educational resources.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
are associated
with the action that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
paying the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fees, I am in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that, it brings more advantages to both individuals and the whole nation.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
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IELTS essay In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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