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In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There is no doubt that famous sports personalities and film stars undergo numerous problems and benefits for being celebrities. The main problem is that their privacy gets affected, however, in my opinion, the advantages of being a famous personality, such as earning respect and popularity certainly surpass any of its disadvantages. To begin with, undoubtedly, the private lives of famous television and sports stars are always invaded by others. In other words, owing to their popularity, the public is often keen to know about the happenings in the day to day life of these personalities. As a consequence, most of them are followed by paparazzi all the time, which usually affects their personal life. To exemplify, according to a report by the New York Times, the late actress Marilyn Monroe, used to hide in her house for several days to avoid paparazzi. Thus, extreme popularity often takes away the freedom of having the personal lives of these stars. Nevertheless, despite the aforementioned drawback, a strong case for being a celebrity can be drawn. The crucial advantage is that most of the celebrities earn huge respect and popularity for their work not only in the native country but also in other nations. As a result, they receive a gesture of respect and love for their hard work and unique skills in their respective work. To exemplify, the famous Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar has a fan following throughout the world and, moreover, he has received an award of honour from the queen of London. Hence, celebrities have the potential to make their family and nation proud. In conclusion, although popularity affects the private lives of celebrities, in my opinion, the merits of acquiring admiration and appreciation far outweigh its demerit.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
sports personalities and film stars undergo numerous problems and benefits for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. The main problem is that their privacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
however
, in my opinion, the advantages of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personality, such as earning respect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
certainly
surpass any of its disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
television and sports stars are always invaded by others.
In other words
, owing to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
, the public is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
keen to know about the happenings in the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life of these personalities. As a consequence, most of them
are followed
by paparazzi all the time, which
usually
affects their personal life. To exemplify, according to a report by the New York Times, the late actress Marilyn Monroe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
in her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for several days to avoid paparazzi.
Thus
, extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
takes away the freedom of having the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these stars.

Nevertheless
, despite the aforementioned drawback, a strong case for being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
can
be drawn
. The crucial advantage is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn huge respect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
for their work not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the native country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other nations.
As a result
, they receive a gesture of respect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their respective work. To exemplify, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Indian cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
has a fan following throughout the world and,
moreover
, he has received an award of
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
from the queen of London.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their family and nation proud.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
affects the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, in my opinion, the merits of acquiring admiration and appreciation far outweigh its demerit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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