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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 7
Governments should make budget for different fields before the start of a year. So, they can manage which basements need to dedicate, or even which section can be omitted. There is a debate, mostly between critics who are not in art, and in contrast, artworks lovers that should a government spend money on craft or not. For sure, a civilization is not just based on a unique group of interests, even though they are the majority. To be honest, investing money in subsets that have publicity attention is so smart decision to gain the most of people satisfaction. That is why, politicians try to find some places, equipment, or systems which prove their abilities of enhancing an urban, such as enhancing favourite sport of a region, transportation or so on. But as it was mentioned above, the majority are not the whole part of a society. So, it is reasonable for each government to have expenses that may not be logical by a few groups. Art is a one of those illogical groups which its popularity is not so much, but it has been the soul of a society. As you feed your body, you must feed your soul, too. So investing money on artistic fields is obviously necessary. For example, it is considerable that based on researches in states that people have more artistic pleasure, they could be more motivated. However, based on the requirements of a district, government should assign a distinct budget based on its importance, due to provide all the basic materials for improving the area. For instance, some public institution is greatly advisable to be established by successful politicians. These tips are acceptable in most part of the world. However, in some countries like Austria art is their basic interest. Altogether, we cannot prevent to allocate a budget to the interests of a few percent of people in order to have the satisfaction of the bigger part. But governors could make an appropriate allocation to all portions to cultivate all potential and abilities of entire people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
budget for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of a year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can manage which basements need to dedicate, or even which section can
be omitted
. There is a debate,
mostly
between critics who are not in art, and
in contrast
, artworks lovers that should a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend money on craft or not. For sure, a civilization is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
based on a unique group of interests,
even though
they are the majority.

To be honest, investing money in subsets that have publicity attention is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
smart decision to gain the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfaction.
That is
why, politicians try to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, equipment, or systems which prove their abilities of enhancing an urban, such as enhancing
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sport of a region, transportation or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as it
was mentioned
above, the majority are not the whole part of a society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is reasonable for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to have expenses that may not be logical by a few groups. Art is a one of those illogical groups which its popularity is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has been the soul of a society. As you feed your body, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
feed your soul, too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
investing money on artistic fields is
obviously
necessary.
For example
, it is considerable that based on researches in states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more artistic pleasure, they could be more motivated.

However
, based on the requirements of a district,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should assign a distinct budget based on its importance, due to provide all the basic materials for improving the area.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public institution is
greatly
advisable to
be established
by successful politicians. These tips are acceptable in most part of the world.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like Austria art is their basic interest.

Altogether, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to allocate a budget to the interests of a few percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to have the satisfaction of the bigger part.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
governors could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an appropriate allocation to all portions to cultivate all potential and abilities of entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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