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What is your best time in a year? Please state your reasons and includespecific examples and details in your explanation. v.1

What is your best time in a year? Please state your reasons and includespecific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1
It is true that some advertisements nowadays life has a great impact on people’s buying behaviour, especially children. I believe that advertisers, almost, do focus on suggest and encourage young consumers to purchase more than they really need. On the one hand, children are more likely to be influenced by non-factual aspects of advertising than adults. It is clear that most children are likely to enjoy snacks, candies or toys. Therefore, almost advertisements nowadays have interesting content for children to make their parents buy. However, the problem is that not all products that appear on TV are good. If children enjoy and play these kinds of food or toys advertised in the media, it may have negative impacts on the physical development of children as well as their health. On the other hand, in fact, it can directly see that most advertisements these days are intent to persuade viewers, especially children, to make more purchases than they really need. Some products for kids have new features and attractive design, but these are not really necessary for their life. However, the increasingly high frequency of television and online advertisements for these products clearly shows persuasive attempts of advertisers. These marketing and commercial activities have certain effects by creating greater commercial impulse and making young children insist on asking their parents to buy those things for them. In conclusion, I believe that advertisers should decrease the number of advertising which aimed at children and parents need to concern about how advertisements affect their children.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
nowadays life has a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe that advertisers, almost, do focus on suggest and encourage young consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more than they
really
need.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
be influenced
by non-factual aspects of advertising than adults. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to enjoy snacks, candies or toys.
Therefore
, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
nowadays have interesting content for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
However
, the problem is that not all products that appear on TV are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy and play these kinds of food or toys advertised in the media, it may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the physical development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as their health.

On the other hand
, in fact, it can
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
these days are intent to persuade viewers,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
than they
really
need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
products for kids have new features and attractive design,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are not
really
necessary for their life.
However
, the
increasingly
high frequency of television and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for these products
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
persuasive attempts of advertisers. These marketing and commercial activities have certain effects by creating greater commercial impulse and making young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
insist on asking their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those things for them.

In conclusion
, I believe that advertisers should decrease the number of advertising which aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents need to concern about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay What is your best time in a year? Please state your reasons and includespecific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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