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In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. v. 3
Watching TV has become an increasingly popular activity nowadays. While some people think it has positive impacts on children, I, however, agree with those who believe that watching TV has a detrimental effect on the offspring. On the one hand, it could be thought that children get some refreshment while watching TV as they tend to be busy with their schedule routine. For example, most children spend their majority of time at school followed by tuitions and some extracurricular activities, resulting they spend a small amount of time for watching TV to rejuvenate their mood. Moreover, it is said that kids could learn about general knowledge, which is not possible through reading books as for many children's books seems like boring. Therefore, some channels such as national geographic, discovery and sports channel impart more knowledge about wildlife, past histories, and national as well as international sports. Besides this, usually, many kids acquire language skills by watching TV programs in different mother tongue and they tend to understand poems, alphabets and numbers in cartoon form very easily. On the other hand, I would argue that children can have a deleterious effect on watching TV. Firstly, they lack concentration in their studies. As generally, kids get addicted to TV shows. As a result, they cannot concentrate on education and gradually drift away from it. Moreover, in my opinion, some TV programmes contain violence scene and dangerous stunts. Children tend to attract easily towards such a violent scene because they imbibe the actions they saw and try to do stunts without considering the conclusion of that. Consequently, they might lose their precious life while trying such risky stunts or commit a crime to fulfil their wish as they think it is a shortcut to have their demand. In conclusion, despite getting knowledge and general skills, children inevitably tend to lose their invaluable life and being a victim of committing a crime. Therefore, on balance, I believe that watching TV has a deleterious effect on children.
Watching TV has become an
increasingly
popular activity nowadays. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that watching TV has a detrimental effect on the offspring.

On the one hand, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
refreshment while watching TV as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to be busy with their schedule routine.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their majority of time at school followed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular activities, resulting they spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of time for watching TV to rejuvenate their mood.
Moreover
, it
is said
that kids could learn about general knowledge, which is not possible through reading books as for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children's books seems like boring.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
channels such as national geographic, discovery and sports channel impart more knowledge about wildlife, past histories, and national
as well
as international sports.
Besides
this,
usually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids acquire language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by watching TV programs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mother
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tongue and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to understand poems, alphabets and numbers in cartoon form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have a deleterious effect on watching TV.
Firstly
, they lack concentration in their studies. As
generally
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
As a result
, they cannot concentrate on education and
gradually
drift away from it.
Moreover
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
contain violence scene and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to attract
easily
towards such a violent scene
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they imbibe the actions they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
and try to do stunts without considering the conclusion of that.
Consequently
, they might lose their precious life while trying such risky stunts or commit a crime to fulfil their wish as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a shortcut to have their demand.

In conclusion
, despite getting knowledge and general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tend
to lose their invaluable life and being a victim of committing a crime.
Therefore
, on balance, I believe that watching TV has a deleterious effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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