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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 1
Nowadays, it has become common to present adolescents with cash. While some assume that it benefits young people’s money management skills and thus encourages independence in them, others counter that it leads many youngsters to get into the habit of irrational spending. As both viewpoints have merits, I tend to believe that the decision of whether or not to gift the youth with cash should be based on the teenagers’ ability to deal with money. Proponents of cash gifts highlight the practicality of such presents. They think that money presents the youth with an opportunity to hone their money management and budget planning skills that will be important in their further lives when they will have to make decisions independently. In addition, it is often difficult to guess what kind of present teenagers hope for; therefore, gifting money to them is more practical as it allows them to purchase items they have been longing for for a long time. Besides, some individuals find it tedious and time-consuming to wander around the mall in search of the appropriate gift. These people would rather present adolescents with an envelope of banknotes than a box of presents because they would save time by doing so. That being said, many people, including youngsters, consider cash gifts to be effortless, impersonal and lacking in creativity. Teenage recipients of such gifts may even forget about them as soon as they have spent the money. Apart from that, a great number of young people are thought to be too inexperienced to make appropriate spending decisions. To illustrate, a Harvard University study revealed that nearly three-quarters of teenagers aged 13 to 18 spend their personal budget on items of little utility, such as videogame consoles or overpriced trendy clothes. This can also turn them into shopaholics and irrational spenders. In conclusion, my own feeling is that cash can indeed be a good gift provided that the youth know how to use it properly and how to avoid unnecessary expenditure.
Nowadays, it has become common to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
adolescents with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assume that it benefits young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
thus
encourages independence in them, others counter that it leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the habit of irrational spending. As both viewpoints have merits, I tend to believe that the decision of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
the youth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
should
be based
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ ability to deal with money.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
highlight the practicality of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
the youth with an opportunity to hone their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management and budget planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in their
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions
independently
.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult to guess what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
hope for;
therefore
, gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them is more practical as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
items they have been longing
Possible typo: you repeated a word
for for
a long time.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals find it tedious and time-consuming to wander around the mall in search of the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
adolescents with an envelope of banknotes than a box of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would save time by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

That
being said
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including youngsters, consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to be effortless, impersonal and lacking in creativity. Teenage recipients of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
may even forget about them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they have spent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Apart from that, a great number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be too inexperienced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
appropriate spending decisions. To illustrate, a Harvard University study revealed that
nearly
three-quarters of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
aged 13 to 18 spend their personal budget on items of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
utility, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogame
consoles or overpriced trendy clothes. This can
also
turn them into shopaholics and irrational spenders.

In conclusion
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feeling is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
can
indeed
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
provided that the youth know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
properly
and how to avoid unnecessary expenditure.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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