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In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing What are the reasons for this How can this problem be solved v.2

In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing What are the reasons for this How can this problem be solved v. 2
In the current scenario, the downfall in the number of people who visit art galleries is the matter of grave concern as it is affecting both the government and society. I shall outline the underlying causes and effective solutions for this problem in this essay. There are umpteen reasons why people are following this trend. The primary factor is the busy lifestyle. In other words, the individuals are engaged too much in the hustle and bustle of life that they do not have time to go out especially to visit art museums. For example, the reports have revealed the study that in many countries, the majority population is working and living a sedentary lifestyle and they prefer watching mobile phones or television, as they get tired after work. Furthermore, human beings find it boring to visit these types of places and they do not want to waste their time in somethings they do not have an interest. To illustrate, families prefer visiting places such as theme parks, as the children find it adventurous and exciting. Another prominent cause of this is the entry fees to visit such places. If humans go there once, they do not find anything new for the next visit, so, there is no point in spending money on something which they have already seen. It is essential to work out some practical solutions in order to effectively address this issue. One of the ways this can be done is that the government should take initiative in bringing awareness in the general public by promoting the exhibition galleries. For instance, if schools give assignments to the children to bring information about these art centres, they will ask their parents to take them to the exhibitions. In this way, the number of people will elevate. Another solution could be to bring the changes in boring art centres by blending entertainment with art. For the sake of entertainment, people will start preferring these places, as they will find something new and will tell their relatives about it. In this way, the entry fee will not hurt them and they will spend money happily. In conclusion, according to the above-mentioned analysis, it is evident that onus lies on the local administration that they will work on the feasible resolutions so that the problem can be resolved.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, the downfall in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries is the matter of grave concern as it is affecting both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and society. I shall outline the underlying causes and effective solutions for this problem in this essay.

There are umpteen reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are following this trend. The primary factor is the busy lifestyle.
In other words
, the individuals
are engaged
too much in the hustle and bustle of life that they do not have time to go out
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums.
For example
, the reports have revealed the study that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the majority population is working and living a sedentary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they prefer watching mobile phones or television, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired after work.

Furthermore
, human beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it boring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these types of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they do not want to waste their time in somethings they do not have an interest. To illustrate, families prefer visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as theme parks, as the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it adventurous and exciting.

Another prominent cause of this is the entry fees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. If humans go there once, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
anything new for the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there is no point in spending money on something which they have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

It is essential to work out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical solutions in order to
effectively
address this issue. One of the ways this can
be done
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiative in bringing awareness in the
Consider using "public".
general public
by promoting the exhibition galleries.
For instance
, if schools give assignments to the children to bring information about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they will ask their parents to take them to the exhibitions. In this way, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will elevate.

Another solution could be to bring the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
by blending entertainment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. For the sake of entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preferring these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, as they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
something new and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their relatives about it. In this way, the entry fee will not hurt
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will spend money
happily
.

In conclusion
, according to the above-mentioned analysis, it is evident that onus lies on the local administration that they will work on the feasible resolutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the problem can
be resolved
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducing What are the reasons for this How can this problem be solved v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
386 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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