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In some countries, people spend a lot of money on their pets. They buy special food for their cats or dogs, buy them toys and often pay high fees for medical treatment. Some people think this is a waste of time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of v.1

In some countries, people spend a lot of money on their pets. They buy special food for their cats or dogs, buy them toys and often pay high fees for medical treatment. Some people think this is a waste of time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of v. 1
In the contemporary era, people are affected by social networking both negatively and positively. In my opinion, social media can bring about more merits compared to any disadvantages it might create. Admittedly, there are some basic demerits of utilizing social networking. One potential risk of using social media is that society may become disjointed and fragmented if people spend more time online with people they have never met face-to-face and who they may be unlikely to meet in the future. The excess usage of social media can also have a negative impact on people’s health. For instance, it may lead to eye-related diseases. But if people spend a reasonable amount of time on social media, it can’t be a serious problem. Nevertheless, utilizing social networking platforms has brought tremendous upsides for the users. The first one is that social media tools such as face book and twitter provides a superb opportunity for anyone to collaborate and socialize with other people from anywhere. This reinforce communication skill of users. Another significant benefit of virtual world is promotion of educational competence. It is really straightforward to enhance your knowledge and educate from others who are expert and professionals via social networking regardless of your location. A more thriving business is another key benefit of social media. Social networking platforms and tools provides this great opportunity for individuals and companies to show their products so people from around the world can see and familiar with their advertisement and purchase their products. To summarize, despite several mentioned-above potential shortcomings of social media, I am of the opinion that the advantages of social networking far outweigh its negative aspects.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking both
negatively
and
positively
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can bring about more merits compared to any disadvantages it might create.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic demerits of utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. One potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that society may become disjointed and fragmented if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time online with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they have never met face-to-face and who they may be unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in the future. The excess usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
For instance
, it may lead to eye-related diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a reasonable amount of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, it can’t be a serious problem.

Nevertheless
, utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platforms has brought tremendous upsides for the users. The
first
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
tools such as face book and twitter provides a superb opportunity for anyone to collaborate and socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from anywhere.
The verb 'reinforce' is plural. Did you mean: "This reinforces"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This reinforce
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of users. Another significant benefit of virtual world is promotion of educational competence. It is
really
straightforward to enhance your knowledge and educate from others who are expert and professionals via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking regardless of your location. A more thriving business is another key benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking platforms and tools provides this great opportunity for individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and familiar with their advertisement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their products.

To summarize
, despite several mentioned-above potential shortcomings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, I am of the opinion that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking far outweigh its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay In some countries, people spend a lot of money on their pets. They buy special food for their cats or dogs, buy them toys and often pay high fees for medical treatment. Some people think this is a waste of time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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