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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Nowadays more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money. v.544

Nowadays more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money. v. 544
Animals have received a remarkable deal of attention during recent years due to their different applications. Meanwhile, people have tightened close relations to pets to bring distinct and unprecedented attractions to their lives. As a result, they tend to spend more money on them. A question which may come to mind is whether there are better ways of using this money. I am personally of the belief that there are more favorable paths to spend this huge amount of money. In what follows, I will exhibit three reasons including educational goals, economic needs and recreations. First, people can invest more on their educational intentions. To be more precisely, in order for them to have more prosperous society they have to cut back on their costs on the pets and devote the most on their educational system. In this way, they guarantee their own future and children`s, as well. As an illustration, a new study in Sweden has revealed that the more people spend much money on their pets, the lower their rate of educational system behaves. Nevertheless, this study is merely a distributed one; however, there might be several other studies accompanying with this. In the second place, we should pinpoint that in the current economic situations of the entire world, spending a great deal of money on the pets is of little logic. In other words, people are supplying their needs hard and the living conditions forces them to work more hours than even not-too-distant past. As an instance, six years ago they could travel abroad easily but now it necessitates them to plan their trip a long time before. Moreover, many unpredetermined factors are added to the decision`s criteria. This, concludes that they are not expected to spend much on their pets. The recreations purposes shapes the third reason why people should decrease spendings on the domestic animals. New difficulties have triggered individuals encounter more complex situations leading them to disappointing moods because this is harder to handle ten duties than one or two in today`s world. In addition, they are dwindling their recreation time to cope with the tasks yielded. In this case, this is plausible that they spend money on their own living attractive programs rather than unimportant issues such as pets. As a whole, it can be concluded that those who spend much money on their pets are of fallacy. As a matter of fact, they should realize that there are other ways to allocate their incomes which are of more significance like education, economic and so forth. I hold this belief that the insight-increasing advertising is of some benefits for the people in general to find various paths of spending the money. Accordingly, the mass media can play an important role to make the people aware of their future needs.
Animals have received a remarkable deal of attention during recent years due to their
different
applications. Meanwhile,
people
have tightened close relations to
pets
to bring distinct and unprecedented attractions to their
lives
.
As a result
, they tend to
spend
more
money
on them. A question which may
come
to mind is whether there are better ways of using this
money
. I am
personally
of the belief that there are more favorable paths to
spend
this huge amount of
money
. In what follows, I will exhibit three reasons including
educational
goals, economic needs and recreations.

First
,
people
can invest more on their
educational
intentions. To be more
precisely
, in order for them to have more prosperous society they
have to
cut
back on their costs on the
pets
and devote the most on their
educational
system. In this way, they guarantee their
own
future and
children`s
,
as well
. As an illustration, a new study in Sweden has revealed that the more
people
spend
much
money
on their
pets
, the lower their rate of
educational
system behaves.
Nevertheless
, this study is
merely
a distributed one;
however
, there might be several other studies
accompanying with
this.

In the second place, we should pinpoint that in the
current
economic situations of the entire world, spending a great deal of
money
on the
pets
is of
little
logic.
In other words
,
people
are supplying their needs
hard
and the living conditions forces them to work more hours than even not-too-distant past. As an instance, six years ago they could travel abroad
easily
but
now
it necessitates them to plan their trip a long time
before
.
Moreover
,
many
unpredetermined
factors are
added
to the
decision`s
criteria. This, concludes that they are not
expected
to
spend
much on their pets.

The recreations
purposes
shapes the third reason why
people
should decrease
spendings on
the domestic animals. New difficulties have triggered individuals encounter more complex situations leading them to disappointing moods
because
this is harder to handle ten duties than one or two in
today`s
world.
In addition
, they are dwindling their recreation time to cope with the tasks yielded.
In this case
, this is plausible that they
spend
money
on their
own
living attractive programs
rather
than unimportant issues such as pets.

As a whole, it can
be concluded
that those who
spend
much
money
on their
pets
are of fallacy. As a matter of fact, they should realize that there are other ways to allocate their incomes which are of more significance like education, economic and
so
forth. I hold this belief that the insight-increasing advertising is of
some
benefits for the
people
in general
to find various paths of spending the
money
.
Accordingly
, the mass media can play an
important
role to
make
the
people
aware of their future needs.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money. v. 544

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
466 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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