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TPO1- Talk about book that you have read and it was important to you. Explain why it was important to you? v.1

TPO1- Talk about book that you have read and it was important to you. Explain why it was important to you? v. 1
Reading stories in books are a basic way for children to obtain knowledge and open their minds. Although watching TV and playing computer games are also popular educational methods among children, I believe that reading books is better and offers more advantages than watching TV and playing computer games. Learning by reading is more effective compared to television and games because it is an active activity. Like any other skill, reading takes practice. To fully understand the content, children have to give all their attention to the text. Also, more than just understanding a certain topic, children tend to develop imagination, as they imagine the characters from the description they read, which helps them to learn more efficiently and deeply in the future. Furthermore, reading stories also helps children master language development, as by reading stories, children learn pronunciation and vocabulary. It also increases a child’s attention span, and develops the ability to concentrate. It develops children’s ability to express themselves more confidently, easily, and clearly in spoken and written terms. It develops and fosters a child’s natural curiosity On the other hand, the knowledge disseminated by vivid pictures on the screen is easier for children to imbibe, but too many moving objects and colourful images can distract children, especially some young kids, from other important tasks. Playing virtual games on electronic devices also can be very addicting, as a result of which children fail to do their homework. Additionally, spending too much time before a computer screen or watching television can lead to health problems such as shortsightedness. Therefore, reading is better for both efficiency and health purpose. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that reading stories in the book are better than watching TV and playing on computers, as it is a more effective way to learn and is better for health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
in books are a basic way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to obtain knowledge and open their minds. Although watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games are
also
popular educational methods among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and offers more advantages than watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games.

Learning by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is more effective compared to television and games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an active activity. Like any other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
takes practice. To
fully
understand the content,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give all their attention to the text.
Also
, more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
understanding a certain topic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
imagination, as they imagine the characters from the description they read, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn more
efficiently
and
deeply
in the future.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
master language development, as by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn pronunciation and vocabulary. It
also
increases a child’s attention span, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
the ability to concentrate. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability to express themselves more
confidently
,
easily
, and
clearly
in spoken and written terms.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develops
and fosters a child’s natural
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
curiosity


On the other hand
, the knowledge disseminated by vivid pictures on the screen is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to imbibe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
moving objects and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
images can distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young kids, from other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tasks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
virtual games on electronic devices
also
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addicting,
as a result
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fail to do their homework.
Additionally
, spending too much time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a computer screen or watching television can lead to health problems such as shortsightedness.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for both efficiency and health purpose.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
in the book are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than watching TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on computers, as it is a more effective way to learn and is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO1- Talk about book that you have read and it was important to you. Explain why it was important to you? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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