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In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society? v.3

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society? v. 3
In some nations, parents have a tendency to put pressure on their children, which force them to spend excessive hours on studying and to ignore leisure activities. This essay argues that this trend exerts detrimental effects on students, as well as the whole society. This essay will firstly discuss how extended hours of studying during and after school would reduce students’ productivity, and secondly, discuss how this trend has negative impact on children’s mental health. To begin with, a counter effect of excessive study time is that it diminishes students’ overall performance. To be more specific, their learning outcome is negatively proportionate to the long time spent on academic matters. This is because extended and continuous studying duration would make children mentally exhausted, diminishing their concentration capacity and ability to assimilate novel knowledge. As a result, even though students invest a lot of time in learning school subjects, their productivity is not as high as they expected. For instance, research results show that 80% of children who spend at least 8 hours doing assignments and reviewing lessons, both at school and at home, do not score as high as those using just 4 hours, indicating that exorbitant amount of study time may lead to worse performance. Moreover, juveniles would probably suffer from some psychological problems if they are forced to study all the time without resting. More specifically, having to learn an overwhelming amount of information in such a long period would make students feel overloaded, stressed and even suffer some chronic depression. As a result, the declined happiness level is likely to give rise to dissatisfaction with students' surroundings and anti-social behaviours which, consequently, may harm the community they live in. For example, a report demonstrates that most of malleable children who are forced to study non-stop to achieve good academic results would sooner or later act aggressively towards their family and teachers because they cannot withstand the pressure anymore. In conclusion, excessive study period with reduced leisure time would diminish children's productivity and negatively influence their mental conditions. Therefore, I believe this trend has detrimental impacts on both the individual and communal levels.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, parents have a tendency to put pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which force them to spend excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on studying and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
leisure activities. This essay argues that this trend exerts detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
as well
as the whole society. This essay will
firstly
discuss how extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of studying during and after school would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
productivity, and
secondly
, discuss how this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a counter effect of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is that it diminishes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
overall
performance. To be more specific, their learning outcome is
negatively
proportionate to the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on academic matters. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
extended and continuous studying duration would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mentally exhausted, diminishing their concentration capacity and ability to assimilate novel knowledge. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in learning school subjects, their productivity is not as high as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For instance
, research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend at least 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
doing assignments and reviewing lessons, both at school and at home, do not score as high as those using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, indicating that exorbitant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may lead to worse performance.

Moreover
, juveniles would
probably
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological problems if they
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without resting. More
specifically
, having to learn an overwhelming amount of information in such a long period would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel overloaded,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and even suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic depression. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, the declined happiness level is likely to give rise to dissatisfaction with students' surroundings and anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
which,
consequently
, may harm the community they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For example
, a report demonstrates that most of malleable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
would sooner or later act
aggressively
towards their family and teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot withstand the pressure anymore.

In conclusion
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
period with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would diminish children's productivity and
negatively
influence their mental conditions.
Therefore
, I believe this trend has detrimental impacts on both the individual and communal levels.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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