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The continued rise in the world s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continued rise Do you agree that is the greatest problem faced by humanity v.2

The continued rise in the world s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continued rise Do you agree that is the greatest problem faced by humanity v. 2
The world is continuously becoming densely populated by humans, it further claimed as the greatest problem that we have nowadays. I do share my opinion that it is the most serious problem today due to the two main factors which have led to this increase. First, the modern era has brought technology to become the key factor of a better human lifestyle. Technology has been implemented by many people to help them in controlling their healthy diets. It obviously impacts the raise of human lifespan worldwide. Technology today is also reachable for people around the world even for them who live in remote areas. It enables many citizens to surf the internet, gaining information about how to make their activities more efficient which further affected their habits in improving quality of life. Besides the technology, perpetual population growth is also caused by the increase in educated people. There was a study that said that in these two decades, universities are gradually flocked by students. They registered to either face-to-face lectures or online courses and came from all over the globe. It undeniably allowed them to interact and influence each other which further highly possible to open opportunities of transferring mindset that restrict two children is no longer working. It supported by many educated people who easily to find well-paid jobs, followed by their belief that they are able to have a big family. I do understand that some people may think differently, saying that the world still has a bigger problem rather than population growth, for example, war and terrorism. However, we have to realize that those are also affected by population growth, the more populated this world the more problem we gained, the more greenery spaces replaced by housing area, unequal quantity between job vacancy and job seekers, meaning more poverty is threatening.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
continuously
becoming
densely
populated by humans, it
further
claimed as the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that we have nowadays. I do share my opinion that it is the most serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
due to the two main factors which have led to this increase.

First
, the modern era has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to become the key factor of a better human lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has
been implemented
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in controlling their healthy diets. It
obviously
impacts the raise of human lifespan worldwide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
also
reachable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
even for them who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in remote areas. It enables
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens to surf the internet, gaining information about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their activities more efficient which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their habits in improving quality of life.

Besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, perpetual population growth is
also
caused by the increase in educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There was a study that said that in these two decades, universities are
gradually
flocked by students. They registered to either face-to-face lectures or online courses and came from all over the globe. It
undeniably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to interact and influence each other which
further
highly
possible to open opportunities of transferring mindset that restrict two children is no longer working. It supported by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
easily
to find well-paid jobs, followed by their belief that they are able to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
family.

I do understand that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
still
has a bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
rather
than population growth,
for example
, war and terrorism.
However
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
realize that those are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by population growth, the more populated this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we gained, the more greenery spaces replaced by housing area, unequal quantity between job vacancy and job seekers, meaning more poverty is threatening.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The continued rise in the world s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continued rise Do you agree that is the greatest problem faced by humanity v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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