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in many countries, more and more shops are open long hours everyday, what are the positive and negative developments of this situation. v.1

in many countries, more and more shops are open long hours everyday, what are the positive and negative developments of this situation. v. 1
In the pre-industrialization era, the idea of lengthy working hours was pretty much unknown to many people. But nowadays, due to increased globalization, people are working 24 hours a day and 7 a week. As a result, businessmen and entrepreneurs in many countries are opening their shops for the extended periods of time. This trend has both pros and cons associated with it. The main advantages are, the people who are working till late evenings and the night shifts will be able to buy whatever they need. Many cities like London, Mumbai and New York have vibrant night lives, since lot of individuals are embracing this new trend, shopping round the clock would definitely help them for good. Let us consider me as an example, I spent many years working in night shifts. Whenever I felt hungry, I ordered food online and a late-night worker delivered the food to me. 50 years ago, if someone continued to work till the end of the day, unlike today, they wouldn’t have got anything to eat outside or buy something. Increased employment can also be considered as one of the benefits. Some of the major down sides are, stress and health issues. There are some proven studies that reported, people who worked long hours are easily prone to various diseases like diabetics and obesity. Not just physically, there can be a significant negative impact on mental health too. When I was working in the night shifts, no matter how well I took care of myself, I still felt mentally stressed. To conclude, in my opinion, the advantages clearly overweigh the disadvantages. If health concerns are taken care, I see no reason to look at it in a bad way.
In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-industrialization
era, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of lengthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours was pretty much unknown to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, due to increased globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
24 hours a day and 7 a week.
As a result
, businessmen and entrepreneurs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are opening their shops for the extended periods of time. This trend has both pros and cons associated with it.

The main advantages are, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
till late evenings and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shifts will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
cities like London, Mumbai and New York have vibrant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, since
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
individuals are embracing this new trend, shopping round the clock would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider me as an example, I spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shifts. Whenever I felt hungry, I ordered food online and a late-night worker delivered the food to me. 50 years ago, if someone continued to work till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, they wouldn’t have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
anything to eat outside or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something. Increased employment can
also
be considered
as one of the benefits.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
major
Did you mean "downsides"?
down sides
are,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and health issues. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proven studies that reported,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who worked long hours are
easily
prone to various diseases like diabetics and obesity. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
physically
, there can be a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on mental health too. When I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
shifts, no matter how well I took care of myself, I
still
felt mentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the advantages
clearly
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages. If health concerns
are taken
care, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no reason to look at it in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay in many countries, more and more shops are open long hours everyday, what are the positive and negative developments of this situation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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