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Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What are the effect of these advertisements on children? Should TV advertisement be controlled? v.2

Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What are the effect of these advertisements on children? Should TV advertisement be controlled? v. 2
It is said that there are plenty of advertisements target interest at children. From my perspective, this phenomenon could bring negative effects on children, and government should implement a law that control advertisement companies. There are several negative influences for kids if they exposed in many commercials ads. Children are easily been persuaded by ads that hock their curiosity, those advertisements always provide attracting contents that make children eager to have the product, regardless whether they really need them or not. For example, some children would ask their parents to buy the newest video games for them, although they have already the old one, because they have influenced by advertisements that tell them the newest one is the best. Therefor, in my opinion, government should controlled the advertisements, especially those ads aim at kids. Firstly, children are too young to distinguish that there curiosity to the product is been controlled by marketing strategies, they would think that owing the newest products is common in every families. By controlling the ads that influence kids, we could avoid commercials companies convey the error value to children. Secondly, by stopping the ads that make kids to ask their parents to buy products for them, could also benefits the parents. This could release the parent' s stress, since they do not have to explain to their kids why they could not buy new toys for them, if there children do not exposed in commercial ads. In conclusion, there are many negative effects that exposed kids in TV advertisements, by controlling the ads that aimed at children could avoid children form an error value and release the stress of parents.
It
is said
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
target interest at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my perspective, this phenomenon could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement a law that control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

There are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
if they exposed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commercials ads.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
easily
been persuaded
by ads that hock their curiosity, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
always provide attracting contents that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eager to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, regardless whether they
really
need them or not.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the newest video games for them, although they have already the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them the newest one is the best.

Therefor, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "control"
controlled
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
especially
those ads aim at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to distinguish that there curiosity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is been
controlled by marketing strategies, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that owing the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is common in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "family"?
families
. By controlling the ads that influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, we could avoid commercials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
convey the error value to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, by stopping the ads that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for them, could
also
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This could release the
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, since they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
why they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new toys for them, if there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not exposed in commercial ads.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that exposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, by controlling the ads that aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
form an error value and release the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What are the effect of these advertisements on children? Should TV advertisement be controlled? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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