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In some countries, men and women are having children at later age than in the past. What are the reasons for this development? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, men and women are having children at later age than in the past. What are the reasons for this development? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages? v. 2
As is known, these days, most of the couples decide to have babies at later ages than in the past. It has been utterly debated that having children at over 25, 26 and later can lead to some problems. As far as I am concerned, this tendency brings about more upsides than downsides. On the negative side, having a child in the early years of marriage may make family much happier and more family-oriented. They can take care of each other and their babies attentively as they are young and might think other aspects which cannot be thought by the older couples. Moreover, even a majority of wives are working at their 30s, recently which inhibit them for looking after their babies. Therefore, children may grow up without any control, as a result of which they can use harmful habits such as drugs, alcohol, juvenile delinquency. In spite of evident drawbacks, I still believe that having a baby at late ages has more benefits for families. The vital advantage of it is that most couples are married in university period, consequently they cannot both do homework, and control their babies. It results in they have a child at late ages and with efficient methods. Furthermore, life expenses witness a significant increase; therefore most couples ought not to decide to have a baby without a job. Parents should meet all requirements because growing a child demand for financial responsibilities in a wide range of countries. By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of having babies at late age are of more significance when are compared to the demerits.
As
is known
, these days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
decide to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
at later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
than in the past. It has been
utterly
debated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
children at over 25, 26 and later can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. As far as I
am concerned
, this tendency brings about more upsides than downsides.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a child in the early years of marriage may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
family much happier and more family-oriented. They can take care of each other and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
attentively
as they are young and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
other aspects which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
.
Moreover
, even a majority of wives are working at their 30s, recently which inhibit them for looking after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
.
Therefore
, children may grow up without any control,
as a result
of which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
harmful habits such as drugs, alcohol, juvenile delinquency.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
evident drawbacks, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a baby at late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
has more benefits for families. The vital advantage of it is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are married
in university period,
consequently
they cannot both do homework, and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
. It results in they have a child at late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and with efficient methods.
Furthermore
, life expenses witness a significant increase;
therefore
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
ought not to decide to have a baby without a job. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
growing a child demand for financial responsibilities in a wide range of countries.

By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
at late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are of more significance when
are compared
to the demerits.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, men and women are having children at later age than in the past. What are the reasons for this development? Do advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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