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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v.7

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 7
No doubt that kids at early age love to play most of their time, and combining learning with playing will help them to build knowledge gradually without restrictions. I firmly believed that formal school should not start at four years old which is very early for these children to acknowledge the systematic environment. In this essay, I will discuss my view about supporting formal education at seven or eight years old, and I will explain the reasons behind my personal opinion in the following paragraphs. In the first place, children before seven-year-old need to build up their socializing skills. Mostly, parents or care givers at child care centres concentrate on essential skills such as, eating without help, following the combined instructions and sharing with others. All these skills should be introduced and reinforced in a comfortable environment with no many firm rules. So, the children can get them easily and connect them with fun. Secondly, studying formally at an early age could be harmful more than being useful. Obviously, children in regular schools are responsible for many tasks, such as daily homework, regular exams and fixed rules to follow. Clearly, it is really hard for kids at an early age to understand and keep up with all these duties and assignments, and failing in doing them could create a negative feeling about the school, and could ultimately discourage them from being better students in the future. To sum up, I understand that kids need to learn and gain knowledge in a formal way. However, I don’t believe that going to school at age four is suitable advice for that age. Concentrating on building their social skills is more valuable to do during that early age. Moreover, going to a regular school at that age could have a bad impact on their future. I suggest creating an intermediate phase between the age of four and the age of seven. During this intermediate stage we can introduce some of the formal school responsibilities to prepare these children for the regular school environment.
No doubt that kids at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play most of their time, and combining learning with playing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build knowledge
gradually
without restrictions. I
firmly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acknowledge the systematic environment. In this essay, I will discuss my view about supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
education at seven or eight years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons behind my personal opinion in the following paragraphs.

In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
seven-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
need to build up their socializing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Mostly
, parents or care givers at child care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
concentrate on essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as, eating without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, following the combined instructions and sharing with others. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be introduced
and reinforced in a comfortable environment with
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
firm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them
easily
and connect them with fun.

Secondly
, studying
formally
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could be harmful more than being useful.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks, such as daily homework,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to follow.
Clearly
, it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for kids at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to understand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with all these duties and assignments, and failing in doing them could create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feeling about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and could
ultimately
discourage them from being better students in the future.

To sum up, I understand that kids need to learn and gain knowledge in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
way.
However
, I don’t believe that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
four is suitable advice for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Concentrating on building their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is more valuable to do during that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their future. I suggest creating an intermediate phase between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of four and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven. During this intermediate stage we can introduce
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
responsibilities to prepare these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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