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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v.6

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 6
In some parts of the world, parents encourage their children to begin studying while they are still toddlers, using a variety of books and computer games which teach them to count or to learn their letters. The parents choose a first school for their four-year-old which focuses on academic ability in order that, by the time they enter the next school, the children are well ahead of their age group, with high marks in important subjects such as maths and language, or are equipped to take competitive entrance examinations for other schools if that is relevant. In other countries, children are at home or preschool until they are around seven years old. They do not even begin to study reading until then, but they listen to and tell stories, they paint and draw, they make models and build tree houses, they swim and play ball games, they keep fish and grow plants in the play school garden. In my opinion, the question is not which method produces the most able students, because all over the world, the majority of those who reach university do so at around the same age, wherever they are educated. A brilliant scientist from one country may be working in a laboratory alongside an equally brilliant scientist from another country and the educational start of each career may have been in complete contrast. Therefore, it is clear that the two approaches can both produce able academics, all other things being equal. Nevertheless, it is probable that one method is preferable to the other. It seems to me that spending early childhood struggling to acquire academic skills in a competitive atmosphere is not the best way to produce a balanced personality. Learning through play and developing social skills equips a child for adult life in essential ways that the competitive parents neglect. If the child has academic ability, this will manifest itself as the child develops and does not need to be forced at an early age.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world, parents encourage their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
studying while they are
still
toddlers, using a variety of books and computer games which teach them to count or to learn their letters. The parents choose a
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for their four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
which focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ability in order that, by the time they enter the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the children are well ahead of their age group, with high marks in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and language, or
are equipped
to take competitive entrance examinations for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
if
that is
relevant.

In other countries, children are at home or preschool until they are around seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. They do not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to study reading until then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they listen to and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
stories, they paint and draw, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
models and build tree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, they swim and play ball games, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fish and grow plants in the play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
garden.

In my opinion, the question is not which method produces the most able students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all over the world, the majority of those who reach university do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at around the same age, wherever they
are educated
. A brilliant scientist from one country may be working in a laboratory alongside an
equally
brilliant scientist from another country and the educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of each career may have been in complete contrast.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the two approaches can both produce able
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
, all other things being equal.
Nevertheless
, it is probable that one method is preferable to the other.

It seems to me that spending early childhood struggling to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a competitive atmosphere is not the best way to produce a balanced personality. Learning through play and developing social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
equips a child for adult life in essential ways that the competitive parents neglect. If the child has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ability, this will manifest itself as the child develops and does not need to
be forced
at an early age.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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