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In some countries it is illegal to reject an applicant based on his or her age. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this approach. v.1

In some countries it is illegal to reject an applicant based on his or her age. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this approach. v. 1
Some nation's of the world regard as illegal the rejection of aspiring applicants based on age limit, and some people believe this development has some benefits, while others, however, think there are drawbacks. In my opinion, this method holds some merits, as it helps to avoid discrimination amongst aspiring applicants, although there are some demerits to be taken into consideration. On the one hand, the policy by some countries taking as illegal the rejection of applicants due to age holds some benefits. This is because, this policy helps to abolish the issue of discrimination among people seeking job opportunities in various fields. For example, employing qualified applicants, irrespective of age, helps to incorporate experienced hands to manage a company's affairs. Furthermore, this gives people a sense of belonging as they feel accepted by employers of labor, regardless of their age. On the other hand, nations which regard as illegal, the refusal to employ people based on age difference, could face some drawbacks. For instance, employing people of various age brackets in a company could result in admitting people that would eventually become liabilities. This is because, people of older age have fewer productive years to contribute to a company's growth and development, and this could lead to a company crumbling after the retirement of older employees. In conclusion, while there are merits to be derived from regarding as illegal the rejection of applicants due to age, this approach could, however, result in liabilities been employed by employers of labor, leading to companies folding up in no distant time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'nation'.
nation's
of the world regard as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
the rejection of aspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, while others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are drawbacks. In my opinion, this method holds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid discrimination amongst aspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits to
be taken
into consideration.

On the one hand, the policy by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries taking as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
the rejection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
holds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, this policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to abolish the issue of discrimination
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeking job opportunities in various fields.
For example
, employing qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
, irrespective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to incorporate experienced hands to manage a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's affairs.
Furthermore
, this gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of belonging as they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by employers of labor, regardless of their age.

On the other hand
, nations which regard as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
, the refusal to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference, could face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
For instance
, employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
brackets in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could result in admitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that would
eventually
become liabilities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
have fewer productive years to contribute to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's growth and development, and this could lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
crumbling after the retirement of older employees.

In conclusion
, while there are merits to
be derived
from regarding as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
the rejection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, this approach could,
however
, result in liabilities
been employed
by employers of labor, leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
folding up in no distant time.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is illegal to reject an applicant based on his or her age. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this approach. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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