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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v.12

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 12
In recent years, education is not only bound to academics, but it has also encouraged children to learn more skills which prepare them for the world of work. In my opinion, it is the need of the hour as learning new skills at initial stage of teaching would certainly be helpful for achieving better jobs. Schools can play a pivotal role to prepare students by making skill development classes mandatory for all students and by including several practical classes in the curriculum. Schools should make skill enhancement courses compulsory for all children, which motivates them to indulge in such activities apart from academics like learning new languages etc. , henceforth it also discourages parents to force their kids to focus only on academics. In India, mostly in urban cities, schools have already implemented this new form of education and which is clearly showing the positive impact in India’s education system. Secondly, not only theoretical, but practical approach will also be required to improve the skill set amongst children. For example, if a child is learning music by listening to various musical notes and grammars, but not practicing the same, then he will not become a musician as he does not know how to play that particular instrument or sing a song, similarly, if we want our children to develop cricketing skills then it is very much essential to make them practice cricket regularly to prowess that expertise. In conclusion, schools should require inculcation of practical skills development methodology in their syllabus to make the children ready for the world and future challenges.
In recent years, education is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bound to academics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which prepare them for the world of work.

In my opinion, it is the need of the hour as learning new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at initial stage of teaching would
certainly
be helpful for achieving better jobs. Schools can play a pivotal role to prepare students by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development classes mandatory for all students and by including several practical classes in the curriculum.

Schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
enhancement courses compulsory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which motivates them to indulge in such activities apart from academics like learning new languages etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
henceforth it
also
discourages parents to force their kids to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on academics.

In India,
mostly
in urban cities, schools have already implemented this new form of education and which is
clearly
showing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in India’s education system.

Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
practical approach will
also
be required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, if a child is learning music by listening to various musical notes and grammars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not practicing the same, then he will not become a musician as he does not know how to play that particular instrument or sing a song,
similarly
, if we want our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop cricketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
then it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them practice cricket
regularly
to prowess that expertise.

In conclusion
, schools should require inculcation of practical
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
development methodology in their syllabus to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ready for the world and future challenges.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? v. 12

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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