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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.28

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 28
Tourist, these days are visiting more adventurous spots then before. For example, they like to visit extremely cold or extremely hot areas. They experience both excitement and hurdles while exploring such places. Last summer, my friends and I travelled to the Sahara Desert in Africa to experience the life in remote and barren landscape. First the benefits of visiting these difficult condition areas is that, you will not find a lot people. Most of these places are still very rarely explored. People experience the raw power of Mother Earth and understand how early travellers had faced the harsh conditions and survived with a lot less resources compared to these days. The best part of our trip was the night sky. It was amazingly clear and what you experience is divine. Stars, planets and even deep space objects can be viewed by simple binocular. This whole beautiful scenery touches your soul. The downside of travelling to desert is the extreme temperature, in the morning it is hot and at night, it gets really cold. It takes time to get used to these harsh conditions. The other disadvantages are the lack of availability of food and water. It is not like urban areas where there are an abundance of restaurants and supermarkets. One has to travel to great distances to find the basic necessities. In our trip we had foreseen these problems and at the time of our departure from the hotel, we took plenty of water and food with us. Even with sufficient supplies, there can be unpredictable circumstances like medical emergencies. In order to deal with such situation, we had carried the first aid box with us and fortunately it was never used. In conclusion, people are visiting places where conditions are harsh to experience something new and different. As popular holiday spots are getting crowded, many tourists have started to travel to remote countries that lie on the edge of the world map. They face difficult challenges, but in the end, the memorable experience they have, worth it all.
Tourist, these days are visiting more adventurous spots
Did you mean "than"?
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, they like to visit
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or
extremely
hot areas. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
both excitement and hurdles while exploring such places. Last summer, my friends and I travelled to the Sahara Desert in Africa to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the life in remote and barren landscape.

First
the benefits of visiting these difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
areas is that, you will not find a lot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Most of these places are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rarely explored.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the raw power of Mother Earth and understand how early
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
had faced the harsh conditions and survived with a lot less resources compared to these days. The best part of our trip was the night sky. It was
amazingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and what you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is divine. Stars, planets and even deep space objects can
be viewed
by simple binocular. This whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery touches your soul.

The downside of travelling to desert is the extreme temperature, in the morning it is hot and at night, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
. It takes time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to these harsh conditions. The other disadvantages are the lack of availability of food and water. It is not like urban areas where there are an abundance of restaurants and supermarkets. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
travel to great distances to find the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
. In our trip we had foreseen these problems and at the time of our departure from the hotel, we took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of water and food with us. Even with sufficient supplies, there can be unpredictable circumstances like medical emergencies. In order to deal with such situation, we had carried the
first
aid box with us and
fortunately
it was never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are visiting places where conditions are harsh to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
something new and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. As popular holiday spots are getting crowded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to travel to remote countries that lie on the edge of the world map. They face difficult challenges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
they have, worth it all.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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