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Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby. Therefore smoking should be banned in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby. Therefore smoking should be banned in public places. v. 2
Medical studies have shown that smoking not only affects the health of the smokers but also has several ill-effects on the people close by. As a result, many are of the opinion that it should restrict smoking in public areas. Although there are views on both sides, I strongly believe that putting a ban is the most appropriate course of action. The opponents of this argument think so because they have a carefree attitude. In other words, such people do not worry about how their actions can harm them and other people in their vicinity. For example, people smoke on footpath without considering that other people may feel uncomfortable and they do not have an option to move away in case it suffocates them. Without a doubt, legislation on smoking in public areas is needed to protect people who do not smoke. Moreover, there are a plethora of convincing arguments in favour of a ban. First, tobacco contains carcinogenic components that can cause breathing problems and lungs or throat cancer to people who consume it and also to people who indirectly inhale smoke. For example, young children and old people who have weaker respiratory systems compared to adults are more prone to such diseases.   Moreover,  smoking in public fascinates young children to delve into it. In other words, teenagers and school-going children get attracted to cigarettes without being aware of its consequences. Indeed, smoking in public places not just affects health but also spoils youth. In conclusion, it is clear that the government should ban consumption of tobacco in public places. To achieve it, there should be dedicated areas for smoking and strict punishments should be imposed on people who fail to comply. This improves the heath of thousands of people and is most definitely a positive development.
Medical studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the health of the smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has several ill-effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
close by.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are of the opinion that it should restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas. Although there are views on both sides, I
strongly
believe that putting a ban is the most appropriate course of action.

The opponents of this argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a carefree attitude. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not worry about how their actions can harm them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their vicinity.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smoke on footpath without considering that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
uncomfortable and
they do not have an option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away in case it suffocates them. Without a doubt, legislation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas
is needed
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not smoke.

Moreover
, there are a plethora of convincing arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a ban.
First
, tobacco contains carcinogenic components that can cause breathing problems and lungs or throat cancer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consume it and
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
indirectly
inhale smoke.
For example
, young children and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have weaker respiratory systems compared to adults are more prone to such diseases.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
fascinates young children to delve into it. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and school-going children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to cigarettes without being aware of its consequences.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
affects health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
spoils youth.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban consumption of tobacco in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places. To achieve it, there should
be dedicated
areas for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and strict punishments should
be imposed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
fail to comply. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the heath of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and is most definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby. Therefore smoking should be banned in public places. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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