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In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? v.2

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 2
In this modern world whether strict rules should be followed by children or not is a very critical and controversial issue. As we know that children are living in different societies and cultures, their behaviour and metal structures are different as well. For example, in Pakistan, more social and loyalty could be observed among children and they respect their parents in a very charming way. While respect is very common, friendly relationship among parents and children are not. On the contrary, in European countries, it is a bit different. In these countries, children have their own motto and they do those types of tasks only which they have set in their minds. However, they have a better and friendly relationship with their parents. So overall strict rules would not be suitable for all geographic locations, which might be helpful in some parts of the world. The strict rules in children behaviour have some advantages but also have some drawbacks which are discussed below. First of all the children under strict rules and code of conduct will be responsible and very respectful to the parents, elder people and to the society. Such children build a stable and attractive society. The children in such society feel himself a responsible citizen, mature, and know how to treat others in the society in a respectful way. And the society of such children is free of heinous crimes and drug abuses. On the other hand, children who do not follow strict rules of behaviour become rude, selfish and undisciplined. And such children create hurdles in the society which create bad impacts on a society. And for such children, the government also try to develop such a law to demolish such bad elements from the society. Strict rules for children often have very bad psychological and social problems. It is not unusual that parents who bit their children would be hated and not respected by the children at a later stage. Strict rules hinder the creativity among children and make them under-developed mentally. A friendly relationship between parents and kids is often helpful for a better future generation. Strict rules are temporary but love and respects are long lasting. Hence parents should try to be friendly with kids and try to explain the right from wrongs. In many society children’s rude and unexpected behaviour are rooted to the too much strict regulation they were imposed. Hence, a set if strict rules is not always a better option to nurture kids. It is concluded from this topic that Children under strict rule behaviour have a good moral character and responsible adults but sometimes this is not a good option and have negative impacts. So I would opine that friendly relationship, some freedom as well as some rigid rules should be combined to nurture the children and for their betterment.
In this modern world whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should
be followed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical and controversial issue. As we know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and cultures, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and metal structures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as well
.
For example
, in Pakistan, more social and loyalty could
be observed
among
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
charming way. While respect is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not.
On the contrary
, in European countries, it is a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. In these countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
motto and
they do those types of tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
which they have set in their minds.
However
, they have a better and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
would not be suitable for all geographic locations, which might be helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which
are discussed
below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and code of conduct will be responsible and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
respectful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
build a stable and attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
feel himself a responsible citizen, mature, and know how to treat others in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
Consider replacing "in a respectful way" with the adverb for "respectful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a respectful way
. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is free of heinous crimes and drug abuses.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
become rude, selfish and undisciplined. And such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
create hurdles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. And for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
try to develop such a law to demolish such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
elements from the society.

Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
psychological and social problems. It is not unusual that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who bit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be hated
and not respected by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a later stage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
hinder the creativity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them under-developed mentally. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and kids is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
helpful for a better future generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are temporary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respects are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should try to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
with kids and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the right from wrongs. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
rude and unexpected
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are rooted
to the too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
regulation they
were imposed
.
Hence
, a set if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is not always a better option to nurture kids.

It
is concluded
from this topic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral character and responsible adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freedom
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rigid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should
be combined
to nurture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and for their betterment.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
71Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
472 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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