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#69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v.1

#69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 1
According to some people it is pivotal to emphasize on the protection of animal species that are under extinction: however, others disagree. In their opinion, issues of human beings ought to be given more priority. This essay will discuss why I think that both the problems need to be treated with utmost importance. On the one hand, some people maintain the view that attention should be given to the rising issues of animal extinction. The primary reason is that animals are an integral part of the ecosystem. When many different species of animals go extinct, the repercussions will be felt across the planet. Extinction of wildlife will disrupt the food chain and it is only a matter of time before humans find themselves in trouble. What’s more, animals also own the planet and they have the right to exist here just like us humans. Killing them for our benefits and engaging in activities that make their existence difficult is not only unethical but also dangerous. On the other hand, problems faced by humans also need to be addressed. The truth is that a large section of humanity still lives in poverty and ill health. It is important to uplift them and a great deal of funding is essential to achieve this. Obviously, there is a limit to the amount of money governments can use for wildlife conservation. In conclusion, every creature on earth deserves an equal right to survive and it is possible only when they live in cooperation with each other. Hence, I think that efforts should be made to protect all species that face the threat of extinction but it should not be at the expense of human welfare and needs.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it is pivotal to emphasize on the protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species that are under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
:
however
, others disagree. In their opinion, issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more priority. This essay will discuss why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both the problems need to
be treated
with utmost importance.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
maintain the view that attention should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the rising issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
. The primary reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are an integral part of the ecosystem. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
go extinct, the repercussions will
be felt
across the planet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extinction
of wildlife will disrupt the food chain and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a matter of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
find themselves in trouble. What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planet and
they have the right to exist here
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Killing them for our benefits and engaging in activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their existence difficult is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unethical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

On the other hand
, problems faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
also
need to
be addressed
. The truth is that a large section of humanity
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in poverty and ill health. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to uplift them and a great deal of funding is essential to achieve this.
Obviously
, there is a limit to the amount of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for wildlife conservation.

In conclusion
, every creature on earth deserves an equal right to survive and it is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cooperation with each other.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that efforts should
be made
to protect all species that face the threat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not be at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
welfare and needs.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay #69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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