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In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study academic or vocational. what are the advantages of students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of 15? v.1

In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study academic or vocational. what are the advantages of students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of 15? v. 1
Firstly, vocational courses are the one gives lively hood at a minimum level with the minimum educational qualification. Secondly, academic studies are further more studies, after High/Secondary School. Vocational courses are the courses, generally practical courses for lower level jobs, where people are required with basic educational qualification and can work in the field or in the industry. Since it is a practical subject, they can easily fetch a job with a minimum salary at a younger age and can start a lively hood, can support a family, can take care of their parents and siblings. In case of a large number of siblings with single earnings, whereas, only father or mother is the one earning, it will be very difficult for them to maintain the family, feed them all and to meet the basic needs like clothing, medical expenses and education of all the children etc. In these kind of situations, if the elder child goes for the vocational course and fetch a job at an early age, Indeed, it's a big help and support for the family, In turn this way helping the society. In addition to this, in case of parents financially OK to spend on their children's education and children does not like to go for higher studies, in those cases also students can go for vocational courses. Secondly, in case of average and above average people in terms of financial stability, students generally go for academic. Actually, their parents are not depending now on them and parents want their children to go for higher studies and fetch higher position jobs. Parents can spend on their children's education. To conclude, for a balanced society we need Academic and vocational studies to help students and in turn to the society.
Firstly
, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are the one gives lively hood at a minimum level with the minimum educational qualification.
Secondly
, academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are
further
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, after High/Secondary School.

Vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
generally
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for lower level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are required
with basic educational qualification and can work in the field or in the industry. Since it is a practical subject, they can
easily
fetch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a minimum salary at a younger age and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a lively hood, can support a family, can take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings. In case of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
siblings with single earnings, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
father or mother is the one earning, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for them to maintain the family, feed them all and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic needs like clothing, medical expenses and education of all the children etc. In
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of situations, if the elder child goes for the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and fetch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at an early age,
Indeed
, it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support for the family, In turn this way helping the society.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition to this, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
financially
OK to spend on their children's education and children does not like to go for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, in those cases
also
students can go for vocational courses.

Secondly
, in case of average and above average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in terms of financial stability, students
generally
go for academic. Actually, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are not depending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their children to go for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and fetch higher position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can spend on their children's education.

To conclude
, for a balanced society we need Academic and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students and in turn to the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study academic or vocational. what are the advantages of students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of 15? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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