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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.39

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 39
It is often thought that a few states are showing an upward trend in the amount of people who are complaining about medical problems. This is one of the consequences of the overeating of unhealthy snacks. However, the regime should take some actions and should increase the tax on certain products. In my point of view, I totally agree that the government should make the taxes a bit higher because of the fact that those items are not good for our body. First of all, it can develop the obesity is children. The reason for this is that teenagers are consuming a huge amount of those food items, without realizing the negative effects which it can have on our lifestyle. Moreover, fast food does not contain the vitamins and minerals, which we need to stay healthy. For example, a lot of outside food is prepared fried or includes a lot of salt, that exceed the minimum amount of intake for our diet. On top of that, it is weight gaining because of the huge amount of fat. All in all, consuming those items is not good for our body and can increase the weight. Secondly, it will also rise the heart diseases in longer terms. This is because those products contain a lot of fat or in other words ' cholesterol'. This can cause that the artery will get blocked and is not able to pump the blood in the body. For example, patients these days are not looking after their cholesterol levels and believe that they are healthy enough to begin with a diet, which contains fruit and vegetables. So that's why, heart attacks and other illnesses can develop year by year. To conclude, in some countries there is an upward trend in fast food consumptions. Some of them believe that the governments should release a rule to drop the medical problems. In my opinion, I believe that the regime should provide this rule, because it develops the extreme weight gain in youngsters and it is harmful for the future health.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that a few states are showing an upward trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are complaining about medical problems. This is one of the consequences of the overeating of unhealthy snacks.
However
, the regime should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions and should increase the tax on certain products.

In my point of view, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the taxes a bit higher
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
those items are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our body.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can develop the obesity is children.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are consuming a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items, without realizing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects which it can have on our lifestyle.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not contain the vitamins and minerals, which we need to stay healthy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is prepared
fried or includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
salt, that exceed the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of intake for our diet.
On top of that
, it is weight gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. All in all, consuming those items is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our body and can increase the weight.

Secondly
, it will
also
rise the heart diseases in longer terms. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those products contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
or
in other words
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
cholesterol'. This can cause that the artery will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
blocked and is not able to pump the blood in the body.
For example
, patients these days are not looking after their cholesterol levels and believe that they are healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with a diet, which contains fruit and vegetables.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that's why, heart attacks and other illnesses can develop year by year.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries there is an upward trend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should release a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to drop the medical problems. In my opinion, I believe that the regime should provide this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it develops the extreme weight gain in youngsters and it is harmful for the future health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 39

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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