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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree? v.18

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher tax on this kind of food. v. 18
Prior to now, there are people who become fat as a consequence of eating a lot of foodstuffs. A huge number of humans who live the kind of states they have a same condition troubles from dining unhealthy food. So, after this situation ministry must assess a big rate for this type of meal. There are people who agree and disagree this opinion. So, in this essay, it will be discussed both of these concepts. On the one hand, individuals who eat a lot this kind of fast food, they disagree with this view for the reason that, if union impose a higher tax for this kind of food, they cannot buy every day junk food and as a result of expensive meal they should cook their dishes at home. Perhaps, now they do not know the minus sides of these kind of meal, but after years it will become a big problem with their health. On the other hand, there are humans who know the damage of fast food and they agree with this opinion. They know the profit of home made food and they believe the quality of this meal, because this dish made by themselves. So, another side till this time they did not have any problem with their health, because of they mainly eat home made food. In conclusion, people have to eat a variety of meals every day. Because, if they dine in the same dish every day they may spoil their stomach. So, human beings must consume watery and dense food during our eating period. I think, if we eat the fast food twice a month it is enough for our stomach. Also, if we have dined home made food we never confront with the health problem.
Prior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
as a consequence of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
foodstuffs. A huge number of humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of states they have a same condition troubles from dining unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after this situation ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
assess a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
rate for this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and disagree this opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this essay, it will
be discussed
both of these concepts.

On the one hand, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
a lot this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they disagree with this view for the reason that, if union impose a higher tax for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
every day junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
as a result
of expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
they should cook their dishes at home. Perhaps,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they do not know the minus sides of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after years it will become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem with their health.

On the other hand
, there are humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
know the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. They know the profit of home made
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they believe the quality of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this dish made by themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, another side till this time they did not have any problem with their health,
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
home made food.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if they dine in the same dish every day they may spoil their stomach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consume watery and dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
during our eating period. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
twice a month it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for our stomach.
Also
, if we have dined home made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we never confront with the health problem.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose higher tax on this kind of food. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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