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In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent, do you agree or disagree? v.3

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 3
It is argued that government should place higher tax on fast food for causing some health problems to eaters. Personally, I totally agree that this action should be done. Therefore, this essay will discuss firstly the fact that fast food should be taxed like cigarettes or alcohol, and secondly how higher tax could stop people buying this kind of food. Firstly, while some stimulants like cigarettes or alcohol are considered leading to several harm to internal organs, fast food is also the cause of many acute diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, lung cancers and so on. Hence, governments should also place a heavier tariff on this type of food like the way they tax tobacco and alcoholic drinks to stop the rising number of the ill. Besides, the revenue from taxation could be used to treat patients with serious illnesses. Taking the United Kingdom as an example, where money from smokers is used to give better treatment to sufferers of lung cancer and heart diseases. Secondly, the reduction in junk food’s consumers could be achieved if manufacturers are charged higher for tariff. In fact, the convenience and affordable price are the main reasons why so many people eat fast food. Thus, if government officials levy a bigger tax on fast food companies, those would be more likely to raise the price of the commodity, which makes it become a both unhealthy and expensive product that would be bought just occasionally rather than regularly. As a result, less consumption of fast food would low the number of people suffering from health problems. In conclusion, to minimize people numbers catching diseases, junk food should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by cigarettes and alcohol and in the sense that the increased cost could curb the intention of buying food.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should place higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems to eaters.
Personally
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this action should
be done
.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss
firstly
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be taxed
like cigarettes or alcohol, and
secondly
how higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying this kind of food.

Firstly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stimulants like cigarettes or alcohol
are considered
leading to
Possible agreement error. The noun harm seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some harm".
several harm
to internal organs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
also
the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
acute diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, lung cancers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
also
place a heavier tariff on this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
tobacco and alcoholic drinks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the rising number of the ill.
Besides
, the revenue from taxation could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat patients with serious illnesses. Taking the United Kingdom as an example, where money from smokers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give better treatment to sufferers of lung cancer and heart diseases.

Secondly
, the reduction in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
consumers could
be achieved
if manufacturers
are charged
higher for tariff. In fact, the convenience and affordable price are the main reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Thus
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials levy a bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, those would be more likely to raise the price of the commodity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it become a both unhealthy and expensive product that would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
occasionally
rather
than
regularly
.
As a result
, less consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
low
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from health problems.

In conclusion
, to minimize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
numbers
catching diseases, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be taxed
at a higher rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
precedent set by cigarettes and alcohol and in the sense that the increased cost could curb the intention of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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