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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.20

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 20
Overconsumption of fast foods contributes to different health concerns such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and heart conditions. The question here is whether or not these foods must be heavily taxed. Heavy taxes on fast foods can predictably have positive effects on those who eat these foods as a recreational activity. There are many young people who get together in fast food outlets and enjoy eating tasty, fatty, and sugar-rich junk foods, which are usually garnished well. If the costs are found prohibitive, they will be likely to hold their occasions at home eating nutritious homemade meals. However, it might be argued that imposing heavy tariffs on fast foods will have negative effects on poor people and those who do not have enough time to cook at home. Consider students who do not have a well-paying job, if they have any, and are busy with their studies and assignments. They usually have no options to feed themselves, but eating cheap foods such as burgers and fries in fast food restaurants. The introduction of high taxes to fast foods means these people have to either go hungry or look for other cheap foods which are often unhealthy being made of low-quality ingredients. I believe, if governments decide to tax junk foods, the collected money should be used to subsidize healthy foods. Thus fewer people will eat unhealthy meals. (this paragraph introduces the opposing opinion, but states how or why this opinion does not introduce a serious obstacle) To conclude, levying heavy tariffs on fast foods has significant positive effects, while the negatives can be reduced by providing affordable healthy foods for society using the money raised from taxes.
Overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contributes to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health concerns such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and heart conditions. The question here is
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
heavily
taxed.

Heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
predictably
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
eat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as a recreational activity. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets and enjoy eating tasty, fatty, and sugar-rich junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which are
usually
garnished well. If the costs
are found
prohibitive, they will be likely to hold their occasions at home eating nutritious homemade meals.

However
, it might
be argued
that imposing heavy tariffs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook at home. Consider students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have a well-paying job, if they have any, and are busy with their studies and assignments. They
usually
have no options to feed themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as burgers and fries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants. The introduction of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
means these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
either go hungry or look for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unhealthy
being made
of low-quality ingredients. I believe, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, the collected money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to subsidize healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will eat unhealthy meals. (this paragraph introduces the opposing opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
states how or why this opinion does not introduce a serious obstacle)

To conclude
, levying heavy tariffs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, while the negatives can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by providing affordable healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for society using the money raised from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 20

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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