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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 1
There is no doubt that the number of obese people in every country is on the rise. The fast-food consumption is one of the major factor towards weight gain. Although tax increase might be successful in the beginning, I believe in the long run healthhhy eating and exercising is the only solution. Firstly, the tax charged on food is already higher than most commodities. Even if the government doubles the current taxes, the price of the item will not rise substantially. For instance, a Rs 100 burger has around 10% tax, and after the increase, the total amount will still be around Rs 110. Which does not make much of a difference to the customer. Furthermore, these big chains are known for cheating the consumers. They will not let their profits suffer. To overcome the increase, cost of items is raised, and their losses due to the new policies will have to come from the consumers' pockets. Secondly, the better approach is to make strict rules around food. This is because people are more likely to get unhealthy by eating a processed and outdated meal. For example, Subway is known to use a lot of processed meats, and chemicals to keep them fresh for longer. The government should ban all the processed food, and there should be guidelines which everyone should follow. In addition, regular checking of restaurants by health inspectors is necessary, this will ensure no one is breaking the rules. One good example is the European Union, they have one of the best policies in terms of restaurants, everyone is monitored closely to make sure everything is in order. To conclude, developed countries spend a huge amount of their budget on healthcare, this could be used elsewhere if people become proactive about their health. Higher taxes can only benefit momentarily. Unless the government monitor every step of these fast-food chains, this problem will only escalate.
There is no doubt that the number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in every country is on the rise. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food consumption is one of the major factor towards weight gain. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
increase might be successful in the beginning, I believe in the long run
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthhhy
eating and exercising is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
charged on food is already higher than most commodities. Even if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doubles the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, the price of the item will not rise
substantially
.
For instance
, a Rs 100 burger has around 10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, and after the increase, the total amount will
still
be around Rs 110.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much of a difference to the customer.
Furthermore
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chains
are known
for cheating the consumers. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their profits suffer. To overcome the increase, cost of items
is raised
, and their losses due to the new policies will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the consumers' pockets.

Secondly
, the better approach is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
around food. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unhealthy by eating a processed and outdated meal.
For example
, Subway
is known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
processed meats, and chemicals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fresh for longer. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban all the processed food, and there should be guidelines which everyone should follow.
In addition
, regular checking of restaurants by health inspectors is necessary, this will ensure no one is breaking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the European Union, they have one of the best policies in terms of restaurants, everyone
is monitored
closely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure everything is in order.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
spend a huge amount of their budget on healthcare, this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
elsewhere if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become proactive about their health. Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit
momentarily
. Unless the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
monitor every step of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food chains, this problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
escalate.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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