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In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v.2

In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v. 2
It is true that in many cities citizens prefer to drive car as their daily transport than bicycles, while bikes become the major transport in other cities. There are several reasons behind these selections. In my mind, both cases are not good at all, I will explain why in this essay. In fact, using motorbikes is popular in almost developing countries. Main reason is that these countries have not enough investment expenditure to develop and expand their infrastructure. Therefore, citizens have a tendency to use bikes as it advanced movement transport in small roads. Meanwhile, in cities of wealthy countries, cars get a largest proportion in vehicles. This is because it has wide road with good transport system. Furthermore, the price of car in these nations is cheap in comparison to their citizens’ income, and then people could be easy to buy even a new car to use as their daily vehicle. However, as I mentioned above, both of these development are not good for both society and individual. Firstly, using bike is too dangerous, many accidents happened counting by each second. Biking has also bad impact on citizens health because they have to breath under the pollute air condition when they are on road. In contrast, using car as major vehicles put a burden on government investment cost and maintenance cost. In addition, even using cars is more safety than motorbikes but operation fee is higher nowadays due to the restriction of fossil fuels. In conclusion, selecting which type of vehicles to use as main transport depends on the fortune of its countries. And I believe that neither cars nor bikes are suitable choice for the development.
It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
prefer to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
as their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
than bicycles, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
become the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
in other cities. There are several reasons behind these selections. In my mind, both cases are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at all, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

In fact, using motorbikes is popular in almost developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Main reason is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
investment expenditure to develop and expand their infrastructure.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
as it advanced movement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
roads. Meanwhile, in cities of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
largest proportion in vehicles. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has wide road with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system.
Furthermore
, the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in these nations is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
in comparison
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens’
income, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could be easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
even a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as their daily vehicle.

However
, as I mentioned above, both of
Did you mean "this development" or "these developments"?
these development
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for both society and individual.
Firstly
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bike
is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents happened counting by each second. Biking has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "citizens'" or "citizen's"?
citizens
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
breath under
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'pollute' is correct. If 'pollute' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the pollute
air condition when they are on road.
In contrast
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
as major vehicles put a burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
investment cost and maintenance cost.
In addition
, even using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is more safety than motorbikes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
operation fee is higher nowadays due to the restriction of fossil fuels.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, selecting which type of vehicles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
depends on the fortune of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. And I believe that neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bikes
are suitable choice for the development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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