Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.10

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 10
Several parts of the United States are experiencing a complete ban on activities for people of your age, which follows the restriction on any sorts of movements out on the streets, in a specific time frame. Since the restriction only applies at night time, I believe, this is a positive step carried out for the safety and protection of underage people. First of all, children are more vulnerable at night times than in day hours. Many cases have been reported in the past few months about the missing children in several localities which was later classified as abductions happened to children left unaccompanied at nights. In some cases, teenagers were ever found involved in drug abuse. For example, there is the recent case of a 12 year boy who lost his life due to an excessive use of drugs which he acquired from a local drug dealer in his neighbourhood. The story remained highlighted by the media, for a month or so, until the drug dealer was arrested and trialled by the state. In addition, the curfew can also be seen as an opportunity to adopt a healthy lifestyle for youth. It will enforce them to sleep early at night and wake up with the sun as it rises. This way they can have all day at their disposal, they can attend school while having enough time for play. Moreover, this ban is not too strict at all, but offers relaxation to go out in case of need or emergency with an adult accompanying a minor. Learning from trends and experiences we have seen that whenever there is a negligence from guardians, the evil struck with tragedies either in the form of child victimization or in a shape of poor lifestyle. In my opinion, this ban should be imposed, not only in some parts, but all over US; considering the fact that children are the true future of this country and has to be protected and mentored properly by any means.
Several parts of the United States are experiencing a complete ban on activities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of your age, which follows the restriction on any sorts of movements out on the streets, in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame. Since the restriction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
applies at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I believe, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step carried out for the safety and protection of underage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more vulnerable at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
than in day hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
cases have
been reported
in the past few months about the missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in several localities which was later classified as abductions happened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unaccompanied at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
were ever found involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse.
For example
, there is the recent case of a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "12-year"
12 year
boy who lost his life due to an excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
which he acquired from a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealer in his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. The story remained highlighted by the media, for a month or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealer
was arrested
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
trialled
by the state.

In addition
, the curfew can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an opportunity to adopt a healthy lifestyle for youth. It will enforce them to sleep early at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and wake up with the sun as it rises. This way they can have all day at their disposal, they can attend school while having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for play.

Moreover
, this ban is not too strict at all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
offers relaxation to go out in case of need or emergency with an adult accompanying a minor. Learning from trends and experiences we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that whenever there is a negligence from guardians, the evil struck with tragedies either in the form of child victimization or in a shape of poor lifestyle.

In my opinion, this ban should
be imposed
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all over US; considering the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the true future of this country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be protected
and mentored
properly
by any means.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts