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In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects, while boys choose science subjects. What is the reason? Should the trend be changed? v.1

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects, while boys choose science subjects. What is the reason? Should the trend be changed? v. 1
It is believed that in secondary and tertiary educational institutions, girls mainly opt for arts subjects, whereas boys are more interested in science stream. The reason for this trend is old rigid beliefs towards girls upcoming life which can be ignored by eliminating gender discrimination. To commence with, girls prefer to study humanities subjects like home science, social sciences because they are taught to become good housewives and mother from early childhood. So, they do not need to study difficult subjects like physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics. To cite an example, A survey conducted in the education of secondary schools in Punjab revealed that more than 75% of the girls adopt an arts stream after their matriculation studies. Consequently, girls do not get a chance to explore their knowledge about scientific world and they lag behind in this fast changing World of technology. On the flip side, parents spend more money on the education of boys as they thought boys will earn money for them after the completion of study. To be specific, the girls went to another home after their marriage, so their income will not raise their parent's financial status. As a result, boys get a job with fat pay scales after studying science subjects and this will definitely add to their family's income. Moreover, this gender discrimination on the basis of study can be tackled by changing attitudes towards girl child education as girls can be more capable than boys and can attain high goals. For instance, being a girl, Sunita Williams achieved a great success in space exploration, whereas Sanjeev Kapoor is the famous chef of India. As a consequence, gender differences would disappear and girls can become more independent by earning their livelihood. To recapitulate, girls choose easy subjects under the belief of becoming a common woman, whereas boys are more curious to learn science subjects because parents fulfil their high fee structure of science subjects, but this trend should be changed as we are heading towards egalitarian society.
It
is believed
that in secondary and tertiary educational institutions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
mainly
opt for arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
stream. The reason for this trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
rigid beliefs towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
upcoming life which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by eliminating gender discrimination.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are taught
to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
housewives and mother from early childhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics. To cite an example, A survey conducted in the education of secondary schools in Punjab revealed that more than 75% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
adopt an arts stream after their matriculation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to explore their knowledge about scientific
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they lag behind in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing World of technology.

On the flip side, parents spend more money on the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
will earn money for them after the completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. To be specific, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
went to another home after their marriage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their income will not raise their parent's financial status.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
pay scales after studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and this will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their family's income.

Moreover
, this gender discrimination on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can
be tackled
by changing attitudes towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
child education as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
can be more capable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and can attain high goals.
For instance
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sunita
Williams achieved a great success in space exploration, whereas Sanjeev
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapoor
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
chef of India. As a consequence, gender differences would disappear and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
can become more independent by earning their livelihood.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
choose easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
under the belief of becoming a common woman, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are more curious to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents fulfil their high fee structure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as we are heading towards egalitarian society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects, while boys choose science subjects. What is the reason? Should the trend be changed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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