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Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v.8

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 8
Many people try to find out their family roots these days; however, some think that it can have some negative impacts on society. In my opinion, I consider, this scenario brings more benefits than any drawbacks. This essay will discuss positive of knowing family backgrounds. First and foremost, by searching family background would enable children, especially, those who are adopted, can find their biological parents and often this assist the reunited with siblings and other relatives. This is vital because many of these children are living with a subconscious feeling of rejection that can be completely eliminated by this. By contrast, there are some opponents argue that this trend can unwrap painful, forgotten family truth which may deleteriously affect multiple families. I, think that this occurs rarely family history, therefore, several secrets for good reasons. Yet, another point is taken into account is that, this information would assist to find out possible hereditary disease which runs through the family. These days, by knowing this piece of information can be used to treat familial diseases or even aid to prevent them from causing damage to health of a person. Take cancer as an example, if any history of this health problem finds out, this can be effectively prevented by adopting necessary steps. Similarly, a possible congenital disorder of an unborn child can be easily predictable when family history knows in detail. By way of conclusion, even though several advocates find that knowing family details may lead huge repercussions to both society as well as families, i again reaffirm that this information has provided many helps than any minor issues in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roots these days;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society. In my opinion, I consider, this scenario brings more benefits than any drawbacks. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
of knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
backgrounds.

First
and foremost, by searching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background would enable children,
especially
, those who
are adopted
, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their biological parents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
this assist the reunited with siblings and other relatives. This is vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these children are living with a subconscious feeling of rejection that can be completely eliminated by this. By contrast, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents argue that this trend can unwrap painful, forgotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
truth which may
Possible spelling mistake found.
deleteriously
affect multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. I,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put before the verb 'occurs'.
occurs rarely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history,
therefore
, several secrets for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons.

Yet
, another point
is taken
into account is that, this information would assist to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out possible hereditary disease which runs through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. These days, by knowing this piece of information can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat familial diseases or even aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from causing damage to health of a person. Take cancer as an example, if any history of this health problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finds
out, this can be
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by adopting necessary steps.
Similarly
, a possible congenital disorder of an unborn child can be
easily
predictable when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history knows in detail.

By way of conclusion,
even though
several advocates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
that knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
may lead huge repercussions to both society
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
again reaffirm that this information has provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
than any minor issues in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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