Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In recent years, the number of children participating in sports and other physical activities has decreased. Identify some of the resulting problems and state ways to address them. v.2

In recent years, the number of children participating in sports and other physical activities has decreased. Identify some of the resulting problems and state ways to address them. v. 2
These days the participation of children has reduced a lot in sports, drama, exercise and pursuing hobbies. The main problem with this is that they become obese and hidden talent will not be utilized properly, however, a possible solution might be for parents to encourage them to participate in such extracurricular activities so that their talent is not hidden and always remain fit and active. One of the problems of not allowing children to take part in sports makes them obese. As most children spend their majority of time in the schools and tuitions followed by doing homework, this would lead them to gain more weight. To resolve this issue, their parents have to allow them to do some extracurricular activities. Hence, they will remain fit and fine and also, they would concentrate more on their studies. For instance, an article in the Times of India in March 2020 revealed that parents who allow their children to play after their studies are more active, fit and good scorer in their studies rather than who do not. Another problem is the talent in them will be hidden forever. All teenagers have some special talent in them like a swimmer and cricketer, which get hidden if it is not encouraged by their parents for participation in extra activities due to getting good marks in schools or universities. As a result, they would become demotivate or sometimes lose their confidence. In order to solve this problem, their parents must allow them to participate in any activities in which they feel more enthusiastic and confidence, which will boost their morale and could become versatile in their chosen field. In conclusion, preventing children to participate in any sports activities would lead to obesity in them and their talent will be pressed. Therefore, parents should allow them to take part in such sports, so they are not gaining any weight and boost their confidence.
These days the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
a lot in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, drama, exercise and pursuing hobbies. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with this is that they become obese and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
will not
be utilized
properly
,
however
, a possible solution might be for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to encourage them to participate in such extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hidden
and always remain fit and active.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of not allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them obese. As most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their majority of time in the schools and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
followed by doing homework, this would lead them to gain more weight. To resolve this issue, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Hence
, they will remain fit and fine and
also
, they would concentrate more on their studies.
For instance
, an article in
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
in March 2020 revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play after their studies are more active, fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scorer in their studies
rather
than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in them will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hidden
forever. All
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in them like a swimmer and cricketer, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hidden
if it is not encouraged by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for participation in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
due to getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in schools or universities.
As a result
, they would become demotivate or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lose their confidence. In order to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
them to participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in which they feel more enthusiastic and confidence, which will boost their morale and could become versatile in their chosen field.

In conclusion
, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would lead to obesity in them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
will
be pressed
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not gaining any weight and boost their confidence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the number of children participating in sports and other physical activities has decreased. Identify some of the resulting problems and state ways to address them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts