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Some people think that the government should put a tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the government should put a tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily. v. 1
It is thought by some that in order to discourage people to eat unhealthy food governments should impose a tax on them. I strongly agree with this idea, authorities should take an action to prevent detrimental diets and malnutrition. Exposing people to pay extra amounts can contribute to a society to eat healthier meals. Governments should take steps to promote protein and vitamin rich diets among its citizens. Otherwise, diseases associated with weak immune system can be more prevalent.  This does not merely result in deterioration of physical health condition, but also non-healthy diets might cause aggressiveness and decrease in brain functions. For instance, a research conducted in recent years suggests that bad eating habits can increase our anxiety and stress levels. There are several means to encourage people to adopt a healthy diet. One approach might be imposing an extra tax on them. In this way, people will be discouraged to purchase those non-healthy foods. Thus, they might spend their money on healthier options. For example, in 2018, UAE government put 5 percent tax on the products which has more than %30 percent of sugar. Another approach might be publishing public service ads on televisions showing the consequences with visual elements in order for people to gain knowledge and be aware of the possible outcomes. In conclusion, eating habits play a vital role in our well-being. I believe that, authorities should take action to deter people from buying harmful products. Putting extra charges on them is an effective way to tackle this issue.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that in order to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat unhealthy food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should impose a tax on them. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, authorities should take an action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
detrimental diets and malnutrition. Exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay extra amounts can contribute to a society to eat healthier meals.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take steps to promote protein and vitamin rich diets among its citizens.
Otherwise
, diseases associated with weak immune system can be more prevalent.  This does not
merely
result in deterioration of physical health condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
non-healthy diets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause aggressiveness and decrease in brain functions.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in recent years suggests that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits can increase our anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.

There are several means to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt a healthy diet. One approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be imposing an extra tax on them. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be discouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those non-healthy foods.
Thus
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
spend their money on healthier options.
For example
, in 2018, UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
put 5 percent tax on the products which has more than %30 percent of sugar. Another approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be publishing public service ads on televisions showing the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "with". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences with
visual elements in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain knowledge and be aware of the possible outcomes.

In conclusion
, eating habits play a vital role in our well-being. I believe that, authorities should take action to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from buying harmful products. Putting extra charges on them is an effective way to tackle this issue.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should put a tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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