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In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v.8

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 8
A family, which is known as the society’s cell, has always changed due to the regular affection of life, thus resulting in manifold discrepancies in the structure and members’ role compared to the past with the aim of adapting to the new environment. Based on my viewpoint, I strongly concur with the idea that these familial changes are positive. It can be claimed that almost aspects of family have changed under the influence of the temporary society from the method which it originally worked on the inside structure. These days, most families have a familiar tendency to simplify their home when there are such a significant number of nuclear families with only 2 generations under the same roof in the relation to the minor extended families, where over 3 generations shared a house. Moreover, role- changes have been also recorded with the equality between the husband and the wife in manifold fields such as supporting the whole family, making for a living or childcare. Furthermore, children’s opinions seem to be much respected and considered as an integral part by adults. Above changes, contributing to forming such a world, are inevitably positive for human. First, the recent evidences have proved that everyone deserves to gain equality and respect, and their voice should be highly appreciated because of their potential power inside. Therefore, the rising importance of housewives and children has devoted to the general development of the human. In addition, the simplification into some home structures is immensely suitable for the life these days, especially in the urban area, as it can be recognized to be the symptom of self-modifying. To conclude, these above changes made by several families during the long period in the history have revealed that human has always self- adjust to the changing inhabitants, affecting on the essential and positive transformation in those so- called society’s cells.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which
is known
as the society’s cell, has always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to the regular affection of life,
thus
resulting in manifold discrepancies in the structure and members’ role compared to the past with the aim of adapting to the new environment. Based on my viewpoint, I
strongly
concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these familial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

It can
be claimed
that almost aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
under the influence of the temporary society from the method which it
originally
worked on the inside structure. These days, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have a familiar tendency to simplify their home when there are such a significant number of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 generations under the same roof in the relation to the minor extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, where over 3 generations shared a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Moreover
, role-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
have been
also
recorded with the equality between the husband and the wife in manifold fields such as supporting the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, making for a living or childcare.
Furthermore
, children’s opinions seem to be much respected and considered as an integral part by adults.

Above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, contributing to forming such a world, are
inevitably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for human.
First
, the recent evidences have proved that everyone deserves to gain equality and respect, and their voice should be
highly
appreciated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their potential power inside.
Therefore
, the rising importance of housewives and children has devoted to the general development of the human.
In addition
, the simplification into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
home structures is
immensely
suitable for the life these days,
especially
in the urban area, as it can
be recognized
to be the symptom of self-modifying.

To conclude
, these above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
made by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
during the long period in the history have revealed that human has always self- adjust to the changing inhabitants, affecting on the essential and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
transformation in those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
- called society’s cells.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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