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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v.9

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9
Due to the advancement in the technology affected many sectors. Some people say that the local shops has been closed because of the shopping centre. In my opinion, this is a negative development as it creates the problem for the local shop owner. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that customer prefers to buy the items from shopping malls instead of the local shops; it contains a number of options for a particular item. For example, if someone wants to buy the shoes, then in shopping mall having number of brand shoes are available while this thing is not possible in the local shops. Moreover, most of the items are in the local shops are from the international brand so, they are able to give a large discount on the each product. While this thing is not possible for the local shops as they contain the traditional items and to provide a discount to the customer give them a lose. Secondly, the shopping centre owners use the celebrity to promote their malls. As many people want to use this only because their favourite actors use the items from that a particular mall, even they are having the latest facility to attract the customer. To exemplify this, Research shows that many people go to the shopping center, only because its appearance is attractive than the local shops. To provide latest facility the local shop owner is not possible having less budget available. Furthermore, having all the product available at one place which save the time. As a result, it stops the local shops, so no one will use traditional items and at least the culture will lose and affect the belief as well in the future. In conclusion, While the local shops provide the information about the tradition and culture but, the shopping malls will close it create the loss of the culture and society’s belief in the future.
Due to the advancement in the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
has
been closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it creates the problem for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
owner.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that customer prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
; it contains a number of options for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
.
For example
, if someone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the shoes, then in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
number of brand shoes are available while this thing is not possible in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Moreover
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are from the international brand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are able to give a large discount on
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
product. While this thing is not possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
as they contain the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and to provide a discount to the customer give them a
Did you mean "loose" (adjective) or "loss" (noun)?
lose
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the celebrity to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from that a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, even they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the latest facility to attract the customer. To exemplify this, Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its appearance is
Use "(attractive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
attractive
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. To provide
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
facility the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
owner is not possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
less budget available.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
all the product available at one place which save the time.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and at least the culture will lose and affect the belief
as well
in the future.

In conclusion
, While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
provide the information about the tradition and culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will close it create the loss of the culture and society’s belief in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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