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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.6

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 6
As a matter of fact, that changing in the style of shopping has occupied a significant number of people’s interest and discussions. It is a reason for a considerable statics of issues. No one can deny that, travelling of people to large malls and centres needs a sincere effort and precise thinking of the owners of local shops, people, and the government, in order to face the drawbacks of such issue and find the appropriate solution for that negative improvement. Let us talk about its effect on the owners of local shops. Firstly, these owners will affect negatively by that change, as they will lose their customers, consequently, their profit margin will decline. Secondly, they have to make downsize and the number of employees will decrease, so the income of such people will be affected and they will struggle to cover their basic needs. For instance, the shops must pay the electricity bills on a monthly basis, hence, if the profit margin drops off, they would terminate some of the staff to decrease their expenses. Moreover, that change will have an adverse effect on people. As, when they go to the large malls and centres, they will pay more starting from the fees for parking, and get some goods that they do not to purchase. For example, a small family goes to a mall which has an enormous number of shops with a variety of categories, they buy things that they really do not need, just because there is an offer. Eventually, I do believe that this problem can come to end if we exert our efforts to solve it. It needs the co-operation between governments, people, and the owners of the town stores. The government has to increase the taxes of the shops in the malls, also the owners have to compete in the market, either by making a special promotions and discounts or make a marketing plan to increase the awareness of their stores. Individuals must make the balance between their needs to decide, when they have to go to malls or when to purchase from local shops.
As a matter of fact, that changing in the style of shopping has occupied a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest and discussions. It is a reason for a considerable statics of issues. No one can deny that, travelling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a sincere effort and precise thinking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, in order to face the drawbacks of such issue and find the appropriate solution for that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
improvement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us talk about its effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
will affect
negatively
by that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, as they will lose their customers,
consequently
, their profit margin will decline.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
downsize and the number of employees will decrease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the income of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
affected and
they will struggle to cover their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay the electricity bills on a monthly basis,
hence
, if the profit margin drops off, they would terminate
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
staff to decrease their expenses.

Moreover
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
will have an adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As, when they go to the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they will pay more starting from the fees for parking, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that they do not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
family goes to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
which has an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
with a variety of categories, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they
really
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is an offer.

Eventually
, I do believe that this problem can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
if we exert our efforts to solve it. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
the co-operation between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
of the town stores. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
increase the taxes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
,
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete in the market, either by making a special promotions and discounts or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a marketing plan to increase the awareness of their stores. Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to decide, when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
or when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
from local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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