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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 5
Buyer preferences have changed in recent years as they have started shopping from malls instead of small local businesses; which has resulted in closure of these local establishments. In my opinion, this is a negative development due to its effects on local vendors as well as unknowing customers themselves. Shutting down of local shops has resulted in widespread job loss to the communities where they were situated in. As the nature of these businesses was to serve the vicinity they were situated in, these layoffs had the biggest impact on the resident workers who have felt the impact of lower incomes. A national newspaper recently reported that suicide rates have increased in the country and upon investigation it was found that 20% of these suicides were by people who lost their local jobs in the past 6 months. The customers, unknowingly, are also now worse off after they have started buying from large shopping centres. This is because the local shops offered more variety and competition between establishments of one locality with the other, and therefore kept the prices in check. For example, a survey on consumers quoted that in recent years shoppers have complained that they are paying extra for the same quality item and they now have limited alternatives. Hence, although these shopping centres have provided convinience to shoppers, they have unknowingly reduced choice and increased cost of goods. In conclusion, the centralization of shopping has caused more damage than good to the vendors as well as the consumers. The government can regulate this by instating limits on the number of such centres which can operate in a particular area.
Buyer preferences have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in recent years as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from malls
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses; which has resulted in closure of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
establishments. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development due to its effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors
as well
as unknowing customers themselves.

Shutting down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops has resulted in widespread job loss to the communities where they
were situated
in. As the nature of these businesses was to serve the vicinity they
were situated
in, these layoffs had the biggest impact on the resident workers who have felt the impact of lower incomes. A national newspaper recently reported that suicide rates have increased in the country and upon investigation it
was found
that 20% of these suicides were by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
jobs in the past 6 months.

The customers,
unknowingly
, are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
worse off after they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
buying from large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops offered more variety and competition between establishments of one locality with the other, and
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
the prices in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.
For example
, a survey on consumers quoted that in recent years shoppers have complained that they are paying extra for the same quality
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
item and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have limited alternatives.
Hence
, although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have provided
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinience
to shoppers, they have
unknowingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
choice and increased cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

In conclusion
, the centralization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has caused more damage than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the vendors
as well
as the consumers. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can regulate this by instating limits on the number of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
which can operate in a particular area.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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